September 2015

September 30, 2015

Did a three and a half mile run this morning — the same Parkland Walk to Ally Pally route I did the other day…I’m reading a rather depressing book at the moment, which Pasc lent me. “The Last Act of Love” is the true story of a woman whose teenage brother was hit by a car, after which he spent the next eight years in a persistent vegetative state.

Eventually the family petitioned the court to withdraw food and water. Those years took a terrible emotional toll on them all, and has defined the author’s whole adult life.

One paragraph at the beginning struck a chord. The night of the accident, she was in the hospital chapel:

“The years collapse, and I see myself kneeling and crying and begging, with my hands clasped together in prayer, talking to some unknown force.

‘Please don’t let him die, please don’t let him die, please, I’ll do anything, only please don’t let him die…‘

What strikes me now as it never has before is that I can’t say my prayers went unanswered. I was given what I asked for. My brother did not die. But I did not know then that I was praying for the wrong thing.”

September 29, 2015

No time for running today as there was a special Michaelmas service at the church. Year 4 was leading the service — Lyra was a narrator, while other kids acted out a little drama highlighting the story in the sermon. No idea what was going on as I was sitting a bit too far back, but it was very cute all the same.At the end the two classes sang a lovely song that had me in tears. Half the mums were sniffing away and dabbing their eyes, though I’ve noticed that dads seem much more immune to that sort of thing…

Still keeping up with the yoga — and feeling better for it too. The first time I practiced, my neck crackled like a bowl of Rice Krispies. Today it hardly made a sound…

Adam out watching Arsenal this evening (they lost). I put in a good session on the violin with Lyra, around chauffeuring Nova to and from swimming. She’s focussing more on violin at the moment, as she’s just started working towards her grade one exam. Finally getting some payback on all the violin practice — the early days were a bit of a trial…;-)

September 28, 2015

We all slept in until 8am, aside from Nova who pretty much gets herself up and organised without any help these days. So a reasonable night’s sleep in the end, even with staying up to see the eclipse…Took Lyra to school and then ran the Parkland Walk to Ally Pally, adding a bit on in the park to make it 3.5 miles. Yesterday’s gorgeous weather is continuing — a real blue blazer, as Wade would say…

Working with Adam today on developing themes for this year’s Nordea report. I’m doing more these days, which is adding a welcome bit of structure to my life.

Made Mexican stew for dinner — the girls were very sniffy about it. Both hated the cooked courgette, and Lyra even took exception to the cornbread. What kind of fool doesn’t like fresh cornbread…? 😉

Wade called this evening. Sounds like the road trip he made to Kelowna with Greg to clear out dad’s storage locker was a success, though no sign of the ashes…:-(

In a last-minute turn of events, we ended up going to the theatre this evening. Our friends Madonna and Lawrence had tickets going spare. First time we’ve seen them in ages — though Adam and Lawrence do go to Arsenal occasionally.

We saw a play called Mr Foote’s Other Leg, and starred Simon Russell Beale. I wasn’t sure what was going on at first, but gradually got the hang of things. It assumed a lot of knowledge (and interest) in the history of West End theatre. Wasn’t surprised to learn later that it was an adaptation of an award-winning biography…

September 27, 2015

Made mini frittatas for breakfast to use up all the egg whites left over from making crème brûlé the other day. Adam and I liked them more than the girls — I don’t think the feta cheese helped endear them…Arrived at church to discover that there was a special Michaelmas service this morning, which wasn’t starting until later. We couldn’t come back for it, as we have Oliver and Marni for the day. Antonia is in Wales, helping her mother clear out their big house so it can be sold, and Doron has some cricket thing.

Adam took them all to the pool for a swim in the morning. He also arranged for the cousins to join Lyra’s circus skills class in the afternoon, which kept them reasonably occupied and amused.

Dinner was Japanese chicken curry and rice. Antonia returned from Bristol in time to eat with us. Sounds like things are pretty fraught down there, with her sisters squabbling over who gets what. Seems a bit rich given their mum is still alive. And are each getting £100,000 when the house sale goes through…

Made another signature bake this evening — a sugar-free orange cake. Gluten free too as it happens, based on ground almonds instead of flour. I liked it okay, but thought it a bit wet. I probably should have cooked it for a longer time, at a lower temperature. I’ve read that agave syrup browns more quickly, which may be why I thought it was done.

Watch the first episode of Downton Abbey this evening. They’re up to the 1920s now, and the clothes are beautiful. The theme seems to be the end of the great houses, and the upstairs-downstairs way of life.

Tonight was the blood moon lunar eclipse. For once, we had perfect conditions for it, which doesn’t often happen in London. From the moment it rose, the moon was dazzlingly bright — it looked like a spotlight. Presumably because it was 14% bigger than usual, owing to it being at the closest point to earth in its orbit (or ‘perigee’, if I remember my astronomy).

It was pretty neat the way it started right on the dot of 1:10am. Gradually, the perfect circle of the moon was obscured from the top — quite unlike its normal phases. Adam had conked out by this point, but I wasn’t feeling sleepy at all. Put “Dark Side of the Moon” on the stereo and lay on the little couch, watching the moon disappear through the patio window.

Woke up Adam when things got more interesting, and even fetched Lyra up to see it. She thought it was very cool. (Nova mumbled “definitely not!” when I nudged her awake to check if she wanted to see it.) The next one isn’t for 28 years — there’s every chance I’ll be dead by then. If I was mum I would be…

Stood out on the deck for awhile, while was even better. It was disorienting and humbling somehow to see the moon just hanging there like a great big red sphere in the sky. I’ve never felt a greater sense of actually being in the universe, staring out through space to the nearest celestial object.

Stayed out there until about 3:15 am when the moon travelled behind the enormous cedar, bringing the show to an end…

September 26, 2015

Ran four miles — my old Whitestone Pond route. The weather was nice — clear and bright — but for some reason the air quality seemed a bit iffy. Maybe it was something to do with the weather, but the exhaust fumes were hovering instead of dispersing.Didn’t like the thought of drawing it into my lungs, and made a mental note only to run this route on weekends, when there’s much less traffic.

I’m currently memorising the William Knox poem that Bernard recited from at dad’s service — so far, I’ve got the first six verses down. Bernard says their father often quoted the opening line — it must have resonated with him. It’s known to be Abraham Lincoln’s favourite poem, and he recited it so often that it was widely believed that he’d written it:

Oh! Why should the spirit of mortal be proud?
William Knox (1789-1825)

?Oh! Why should the spirit of mortal be proud?
Like a swift-fleeting meteor, a fast-flying cloud,
A flash of the lightning, a break of the wave,
Man passeth from life to his rest in the grave.

The leaves of the oak and the willow shall fade,
Be scattered around, and together be laid;
And the young and the old, and the low and the high
Shall molder to dust and together shall lie.

The infant a mother attended and loved;
The mother that infant’s affection who proved;
The husband that mother and infant who blessed,–
Each, all, are away to their dwellings of rest.

The maid on whose cheek, on whose brow, in whose eye,
Shone beauty and pleasure,–her triumphs are by;
And the memory of those who loved her and praised
Are alike from the minds of the living erased.

The hand of the king that the sceptre hath borne;
The brow of the priest that the mitre hath worn;
The eye of the sage, and the heart of the brave,
Are hidden and lost in the depth of the grave.

The peasant whose lot was to sow and to reap;
The herdsman who climbed with his goats up the steep;
The beggar who wandered in search of his bread,
Have faded away like the grass that we tread.

The saint who enjoyed the communion of heaven;
The sinner who dared to remain unforgiven;
The wise and the foolish, the guilty and just,
Have quietly mingled their bones in the dust.

So the multitude goes, like the flowers or the weed
That withers away to let others succeed;
So the multitude comes, even those we behold,
To repeat every tale that has often been told.

For we are the same our fathers have been;
We see the same sights our fathers have seen;
We drink the same stream, and view the same sun,
And run the same course our fathers have run.

The thoughts we are thinking our fathers would think;
From the death we are shrinking our fathers would shrink;
To the life we are clinging they also would cling;
But it speeds for us all, like a bird on the wing.

They loved, but the story we cannot unfold;
The scorned, but the heart of the haughty is cold;
They grieved, but no wail from their slumbers will come;
They joyed, but the tongue of their gladness is dumb.

They died, aye! they died; and we things that are now,
Who walk on the turf that lies over their brow,
Who make in their dwelling a transient abode,
Meet the things that they met on their pilgrimage road.

Yea! hope and despondency, pleasure and pain,
We mingle together in sunshine and rain;
And the smiles and the tears, the song and the dirge,
Still follow each other, like surge upon surge.

‘Tis the wink of an eye, ’tis the draught of a breath,
From the blossom of health to the paleness of death,
From the gilded saloon to the bier and the shroud,–
Oh! why should the spirit of mortal be proud?

September 25, 2015

Ran three miles this morning. Not a great run — just okay — but the main thing is to get my ass outside and do it…I’ve started listening to the running playlists that are provided on Spotify. Being quite base heavy and energetic, I don’t have an emotional response to them. Plus they get me moving my legs faster than the mournful indie ballads I tend to go for.

Made our annual trek to the accountant in Colindale this morning. In a surprise turn-up, I’ll be getting about £200 back this year. Better than the alternative, though it also means I earned less than they’d estimated…

My second day of yoga practice. I’d like it if my forties were my decade of running and fifties my decade of yoga. It’s certainly gentler on the body, and better for you in the long run.

I read an interesting thing about exercise once — that as you age, the most important type of exercise is something that maintains flexibility (like yoga). Maintaining strength is the next more important (weight-lifting), and cardiovascular third. Most people who exercise have reverse priorities — cardio first, followed by strength, with flexibility last.

Ever since I heard about them, I’ve been on the lookout for Doritos Roulette — cheesy nachos with a few super hot chips hidden in the mix. Finally found them today at the supermarket near the accountant’s office.

While they weren’t as exciting as advertised (what ever is?), it was kind of fun to watch the family when they got a hot chip.(Another one for social services, along with letting the eight-year-old go to the shops unattended — this story about the schoolgirl who suffered an asthma attack from eating them has been all over the news…)

Tortilla soup for dinner, followed by the rest of the skunk for dessert. For movie night, we watched Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. Pretty funny, and yet again, interesting watching it as a parent. The quality of the acting is pretty high, with people like Matthew Broderick, Jennifer Gray, and a terrific cameo from a young Charlie Sheen.

September 24, 2015

Too wet to run this morning. I don’t mind running in the rain at all, but this was Biblical. Plus my current route gets really boggy when it’s been wet, and that was what put me off…Did some yoga instead. I haven’t practiced yoga with any regularity since Nova was born, though I used to be very keen on it. When I moved to London in 1994, yoga classes were pretty thin on the ground.

My first job was at Dorling Kindersley, who had just published an iyengar yoga book. In connection to that, they held a four-week yoga class for staff. When that finished, I managed to find a yoga class associated with Great Ormond Street hospital, which was part of some sort of research work. It was a pretty strange set-up, but quite a good class…

I’d also shlep out to Putney — almost two hours on the tube each way — to the Sivananda Centre. It’s a great place, very traditional and grounded in Hinduism, with lectures, ayurvedic food, and a strong meditation programme. But just too bloody far away.

That’s all changed of course. There are three different private yoga groups I’m aware of in Highgate, yoga studios of all sizes and styles, and multiple class offered at every gym and fitness centre.

For dinner, we had lamb-pistachio burgers I’d frozen earlier, along with a piyaz salad and cacik. Went down well with everyone, as did the skunk I served for dessert. (Chocolate wafer biscuits sandwiched together with cream, and left to chill for hours until it gets all soft and swollen.)

Watched the bake-off while we ate. I’m falling behind on my signature bakes — tonight’s episode means I’ll have to try my hand at cream horns now. That’s once I make the sugar-free cake, frangipane tart and raised game pie…

Blew off book group — not up for that at all…

September 23, 2015

Did some work first thing on the article Adam is writing for the WFSGI (the World Federation of Sporting Goods Industry). Took awhile, but we got something we were pleased with eventually — a good team effort…Feeling very down again today, and I didn’t achieve much of anything besides housework. Some days are like that at the moment…

Found the gumption to get off the sofa and collect Lyra from school, and rustle up some leftovers for dinner — bean soup for the girls, stroganoff for me, while Adam finished the curry.

Double swimming had us running back and forth to the Mallinson — but at least Adam was around to share the burden…

September 22, 2015

Headed into work with Adam after drop-off and spent a morning at the shared space. We had a little team meeting with the three of us — Adam, Jane and me — to discuss the new strategic plan that has been drawn up in light of the Indian office’s departure.I realised that it was pretty much the first time I’ve ventured out of Highgate since getting back from Canada, aside from a cinema trip with Jane.

Got home in time to collect Lyra from dance. Made Peruvian seco for dinner — a lovely, spicy beef stew in a rich coriander gravy. Nova missed out — she was on a school theatre trip.

After dinner, Adam headed off to the Highgate Society for a lecture on James Bond. Sounded really interesting, but not so interesting that I’d have hired a babysitter specially to attend. Nice mellow evening hanging out with Lyra…

September 21, 2015

And another week rolls around… Adam managed to get his swim in this morning, and once I deposited Lyra at school, I went for a run. Dodging the rain, but I never mind that — actually I quite like it. My legs felt pretty sluggish, but I was glad and grateful I was able to do it.Baked sourdough bread and a batch of butterscotch chip biscuits for Basil — it’s his birthday today.

For dinner, I tried to sneak some gorgonzola fettucine past the girls — in the form of a delicious creamy sauce that was seasoned with nutmeg and garnished with toasted walnuts. Adam and I both thought it was delicious, but they weren’t having it for a second…

September 20, 2015

Made a batch of muffins for breakfast before Lyra and I headed off to church. She’s still enthusiastic about going and seems to enjoy Sunday school. I don’t mind in the least, though I’m wary about attracting attention and getting into discussion with the churchy types who hang around for coffee afterwards. Lyra just grabs a couple of biscuits and we’re out of there pronto…Had a little brownse in the Oxfam bookstore afterwards, which is becoming part of our Sunday morning routine. If we’re a bit too early, Lyra says “let’s go stare at cakes”, and we mosey up to the bake store and do that for a bit until someone arrives to open up.

Adam came home in a foul mood because the swimming pool was closed unexpectedly and he couldn’t do his laps. He poisoned the happy mood of the house, and had Lyra in tears within minutes…

Dinner was Vietnamese meatballs with a glass noodle and edamame salad. I was going light to save room/calories for the crème brûlée I made for dessert. It was good fun using my new kitchen blow torch (a birthday present from Beulah), though I ended up heating the cream too much (being overcautious I think), which made it a bit liquidy.

Our broadband connection has been giving us grief all weekend. Adam called to complain, and managed to negotiate a free month for us. So it may be shit, but at least it’s free shit…

September 19, 2015

I think that I’ll just be going through the motions for awhile… Which is better than not going through the motions I guess, which is what happened on Thursday…I keep tearing up when I run. Every song seems to have a new message, a meaning that I hadn’t noticed before. I think it’s also that running is the time when I’m most alone with my thoughts. With mum, it was the walk to the tube station that would get me. More than once, I’d get feeling so bad that I’d turn around again, go home and call in sick.

This grief is not unfamiliar having been through the loss of mum. But although the general shape is the same, there’s a different flavour to it. I’ve lost a different person who I loved differently and who meant different things to me…

Saturday skating and drama have started up again, so the girls headed off to their respective activities after breakfast. After my shower, I made a Tuscan ten bean soup for lunch, and toasted up all the scraps of bread I could find.

The girls headed off to the park to hang out (which seems to be a crime in the States these days), while Adam and I did some Nordea work.

Made a vegan curry for dinner with some help from Nova. She’s developing an interest in vegan food (very trendy these days), though she’s far too much of a carnivore still to make the shift.

Watched Jumanji together — pretty entertaining. I’d like to bring back family movie night now that the weather’s drawing in. There are lots of things we can watch now that Lyra’s a bit older…

September 18, 2015

Happy birthday to me… 51… oh, yay…
Started the celebrations with a special smoothie whizzed up by the girls and gifts in bed. A luxury lavender bath product from Nova, a lovely china mug from Lyra, and salted caramel truffles from Adam (on account of giving me the hiking boots early).We were just getting ourselves organised when the doorbell rang. It was Veronika and her three girls on the doorstep. She was holding a freshly baked apple cake and the four of them sang happy birthday to me. The sight of those beautiful little girls’ faces looking at me so earnestly as they sang is one of the sweetest things I’ve ever seen…

Spent the morning helping Adam write a strategy paper. Once it was finished, we headed up to the Bull for lunch — I had a salad and an order of wings, Adam had a burger — the back home for a nap.

Received birthday phone calls all day, cards came through the post and dropped through the door, and this beautiful bouquet of flowers from Wade. I felt surrounded by family, friends and good wishes…

Adam cooked dinner tonight — a birthday treat indeed. We started with an endive, blue cheese, pear and walnut salad:

Followed by my longtime favourite ––  beef stroganoff:

Had the first of my special wines from Kiran for catering the party:

For dessert, this lovely lemon drizzle cake the girls made:

A very fine birthday dinner indeed! Afterwards, we watched an episode of Fawlty Towers (Gourmet Night), and all went to bed at 10:45…

September 17, 2015

Today was not a good day… I had planned to go for a run first thing, but Adam’s schedule interfered with that. knocked off course, like picking your way through the mud, fell today,Instead I spent much of the day on the sofa — eating shit, reading shit, and dozing in my workout clothes. Managed to rouse myself to collect Lyra, and cooked a decent dinner — lamb pistachio burgers (really good actually) with fattoush.

Watched the latest issue of the Bake-off while we ate. This week’s technical challenge was a raised game pie — fuck, I don’t want to make that at all…

Buffalo Bill
ee cummings

Buffalo Bill ’s
defunct
who used to
ride a watersmooth-silver
stallion
and break onetwothreefourfive pigeonsjustlikethat
Jesus

he was a handsome man
and what i want to know is
how do you like your blue-eyed boy
Mister Death

September 16, 2015

Spent a few hours with Veronika round her place today. She cooked us some lunch while we talked and we looked at photos from our time in Canada. Not that keen to do that, but it wasn’t too bad. It made me pretty tearful, but she’s such a good friend it wasn’t awkward…Made saag vali kitchri (or mung bean rice mush) for dinner. Not a child-friendly dish — especially with all the spinach and mushrooms I add — plus I added far too much chilli, but the girls were rock stars about it…

Only had to do the Lyra swimming run tonight, as Nova had the opportunity to make a bit of money babysitting for one of Lyra’s classmates. Bit of money is the operative word. She certainly doesn’t charge anything like what a nanny or even an older teenager would, but I don’t know how they arrived at the pitiful amount they ended up paying for her services this evening…

September 15, 2015

One month since dad died…
I got all teary on my run this morning — it was a problem because my nose blocked up, which made it hard to breathe. My playlist kept setting me off — I’ll have to make a new one with lots of cheery, upbeat songs instead of the gloomy stuff I usually listen to…The lawyer brought our attention to an advert in the PG Citizen looking for people who feel they have been cheated by Asher Place — the investment dad sunk $10,000 into years ago, never to see a penny in return. Worth getting in touch I think, to compare experiences if nothing else…

Vietnamese chicken salad for dinner, with flapjacks for dessert. Adam went off to Lyra’s class meeting to hear about year four, and I had Rosa here so Jemima could attend hers. That pair are such an odd couple, but they seem to have a pretty good time together in spite of all the differences…
>br>

September 14, 2015

We have no groceries at all… After getting the girls off to school, I headed for Waitrose, where I filled a large trolley with a Christmas-sized shop…The traffic was terrible for some reason. I crawled up North Hill, and got home just in time for my work meeting.

Made my third Great British Bake-off technical challenge this evening — soda bread — which we ate with beef barley soup. I did a bit of reading around how to make soda bread and looked at a number of recipes first. It was better than previous attempts, but still nothing to write home about…

After dinner, we watched the latest episode of the Bake-off — challenge five is a frangipane tart. I used to make a nice pear one from one of the Moosewood cookbooks, but haven’t made it in years…

Spent the evening emailing with the lawyer, who was looking for authorisation to further pursue Asher Estates. Fine by me…

Watched an episode of Ray Donovan. While I can see that the show has a stellar cast and is really well-acted, I just don’t get what these people are doing with one another, and don’t particularly care either…

September 13, 2015

It was pretty rainy when we woke up this morning, but happily it had stopped by the time we’d finished breakfast.I gave explicit directions for my muffin to be split and toasted this morning. The waiter (a different one than yesterday) looked at me a bit oddly, and it was served as you would expect. Yesterday must have been an accident…

Packed up, settled our bill and dropped our bags in the car. We’re walking straight from the hotel today, as the roads are closed until later for the New Forest Marathon. There was a steady stream of runners going past — from the look of some of them, I assumed we must be near the finish line, but turned out we were mile seven…

It proved impossible to avoid the race route, especially as there is also a half marathon, 10k and 5k (as well as a charity walk) underway at the same time. There was also an an abundance of dung beetles sharing the path — maybe last night’s rain had brought them out, or the vibrations of the running feet? A number had come to a crunchy end — “There’s John, and George…” Adam joked.

In spite — or perhaps because of — the mile signs and stewards — we managed to get properly lost.

After much map reading, compass striking, and consultation, we ended up scrambling over a barbed wire fence and down to the highway. Picked our way along the edge for a while, before rejoining a path that led back to Brocklehurst.

We’d walked a good six miles before we found somewhere for lunch — sandwiches and ginger beer. Unsurprisingly, the place was packed, and we found ourselves sitting at picnic tables in the car park. The wasps weren’t long in arriving… They were pretty wussy wasps compared to their Canadian cousins, but still a pain in the ass…

Back at the hotel, we said our goodbyes and set off for London. The drive home was terrible. What with the rain, road works and weekend traffic, it took a good hour longer than our trip out…:-(

We were pretty much out of food. The girls were keen to order pizza, but decided to have toast for dinner instead. We’ve been overeating all weekend… Caught up on Bake-off while we ate. My latest signature bake is to make a cake without using sugar…

September 12, 2015

I’m loving our hotel… We stayed here once before — the first time we did this walking weekend. At that time, they had two family rooms tucked away in the attic. They had their own staircase, and were perfect for two families.This time, we’re in the main part of the hotel. But the room itself is spacious, high-ceilinged, and just a little bit shabby with a cavernous bathroom and old fashioned fixtures. There’s plenty of space for three beds and a desk — I adore it.

The dining room is similarly charming– and the cooked breakfasts sounded enticing. I ordered the English muffin with poached egg and ham. It came stacked into an unfeasible wobbly tower, but the main issue was the muffin itself. Instead of splitting and toasting it, which is a pretty universal way to serve them, it was slipped whole and cold under the egg — like a sort of pouffe. Very strange…

Made sandwiches in the room with supplies I’d brought from home, brewed a flask of tea, and then set off for a walk. We drove a few miles to our starting point — we’re penned in by the New Forest Marathon tomorrow, so will walk directly from the hotel tomorrow.

The route was a sort of figure eight that had us passing the car and crossing the A road around the mid-point. Lyra was a right little stroppy beggar for the first leg. She was getting on my very last nerve, and I had visions of stuffing her in the trunk when we passed the car…;-)

The terrain was dramatically different on the other side of the road — much more open and heathlike. We walked until we were out of sight and sound of the traffic, then found a open patch of ground that was reasonably free of gorse and horseshit to have our picnic.

It was a glorious day, and after eating all the grown-ups stretched out and had an afternoon nap Which is a pretty damn nice thing to do outdoors on a sunny afternoon…

Not sure how long we slept for or what the kids got up to while we dozed (playing on phone screens no doubt). Not long after packing up and resuming our walk, we noticed a squadron of planes practicing aerial maneuvres. They were very impressive, and we stood and watched them for ages…

We were all much mellower and happier for eating lunch (and napping no doubt), and the rest of the walk was quite jolly.

One of the nicest things about walking in the New Forest is the free ranging horses. I don’t know what had got into them today, but instead of standing about munching grass the way they normally do, they all seemed to be racing about. “Maybe Jeremy Corbyn getting elected leader of the Labour Party has scared the horses!” Adam joked.

Got back to the hotel with a time to shower and chill out for a bit before heading out again for dinner. We ate at The Filly Inn — the place I lost my wallet four years earlier.

The food has definitely improved since our last visit — my burger was delicious. It would have been a really nice meal except for our girls being really annoying. They seem to be under the impression that it’s entertaining for other people to watch them snipe and bicker.

I asked them specifically not to do it before we went out, but it must have slipped their minds…;-) I gave them a rocket in the car home, which they were both pretty upset about, but honestly…!

They went straight up to mope in the room — we had a beer nightcap then toddled off to bed ourselves.

September 11, 2015

It’s been fourteen years since the attack on the Twin Towers… It seems to be receiving less coverage than usual this year, though perhaps I just haven’t noticed. I guess these things must tail off after a point…Dropped Lyra off at the school gates, then headed home to start getting us ready for our walking weekend in the New Forest. As holidays go, it’s quite an easy one to organise. A short drive, so not much to do around the car; we’re staying in a hotel, so there’s no need to organise food or camping gear; all we’re doing is walking, so no dress-up clothes or shoes required.

Adam has heard that the deli on the corner will be closing down at Christmas. Apparently the rents have got so ridiculous that they can no longer make a go of it. I’m sad about that — we’ve been shopping there for decades, and have got to no Raj and Halima pretty well in that time…

Made prawn tostadas for dinner — very tasty, but too small. I was aiming for a light supper, but these things barely touched the sides…

Adam took Nova to swim practice while I finished the packing. Managed to set off at eight on the dot. Birgit had texted that they were leaving a few minutes earlier, and Adam drove like a bat out of hell to try to keep up with her notoriously fast driving. It worked — we pulled into the parking lot just behind them.

It had just gone 10pm, and all the girls went straight to our rooms. We had a couple of pints and a catch-up in the lounge before calling it a night…

September 10, 2015

Lyra started her morning gymnastics class this week. She’s in a split group this year. Owing to numbers, they’ve divided the year fours — some are in a year 3/4 class, the rest in a 4/5/6 group.She’s in the 3/4 class, which is clearly the wrong place for her. Not just because she’s one of the strongest gymnasts in her year, but also because she’s one of the tallest girls in year 4. Her face fell when she saw the little munchkins she’ll be training with.

Went for my first run in ages — a slow interval run over just over two miles. I took it pretty easy — I don’t want to make the mistake of thinking I can pick up right where I left off. That way injury lies…

It’s the first sunny day in a long time, and I took advantage of it to do three loads of laundry. It’s impossible to dry clothes at the moment. It’s been so damp, and I’m refusing to turn the heating on until we’re well into October at the earliest.

Went to the cinema with Jane this evening. It was hard to choose a movie — not too silly, not too sad — but finally settled on Meryl Streep comedy. Rocked up at the Holloway Odeon to discover that it wasn’t playing, they’d pulled because of poor sales. Annoying, but we ended up with free tickets for Kray biopic instead.

Knocked back a glass of rosé while we waited, and bought another to take in with us. I was quite absorbed by the film but failed to realise that one guy was playing both brothers. Would have watched the scenes they were both in more closely if I’d known…

While I was waiting for a 271 bus home, a man a few years younger than I started flirting with me. He was definitely in his forties — don’t expect people our age to act like that…;-)

September 9, 2015

Didn’t feel too sad when I woke up this morning for a change. Seemed like a good morning to bite the bullet and take Lyra to school. I did drop her off outside the gate, rather than dealing with the playground, but it’s a start…Another mooching around the house day. I was feeling a bit more motivated, and did some clearing up in the bedroom, organised kitchen shelves, and did multiple loads of laundry.

Went late to collect Lyra so as to avoid the whole playground scene. I really don’t feel like dealing with that at the moment. I find avoiding eye contact helps, and just generally keeping my gaze closer to the ground.

Lyra and I picked a bunch of apples to use for apple crumble — her next cooking challenge. I prepped the apples, then made chickpea pasta soup while she prepared the crumble topping.

Our first swimming double whammy this evening. It’s going to be more challenging this term as Nova’s friend Evelyn is taking a break from the swim team, so we can’t ride share.

Lyra is in a group that swims full laps for the first time, and I thought she did alright. She was towards the back of the pack, but she’s just joined so that’s fine. And I’m pretty sure most of the kids are at least a school year above her…

September 8, 2015

Went round for coffee with Pasc after drop-off. I’ve haven’t felt much like seeing anyone since I got back, but Pasc is an old friend, so that’s a bit different. Also, she’s lost both her parents as well — one of the few people I know who has. (Actually very few of my friends have lost even one parent…)She’s been feeling very depressed herself the last few months, and finally went to the doctor about it. The guy she saw prescribed a course of anti-depressants. But before she’d started taking them, a good friend of hers (also a doctor) advised getting a blood test to check whether she’d started the menopause.

She had, was prescribed HRT instead (or “happy cream” as she calls it) and is feeling 100% better. Got me thinking that I should get tested myself. Menopausal symptoms are an additional weight I don’t need to be carrying right now…

Comfort food for lunch… I’m definitely consolation eating these days — feeling low hasn’t affected my appetite. If anything, it seems to have made me hungrier. I also don’t give a shit about anything like going for runs — not a great combination…

As Mrs Patmore put it in Downton Abbey:

DAISY
Seems like a lot of food when you think they’re all in mourning.

MRS PATMORE
Nothing makes you hungrier or more tired than grief.

MRS PATMORE
When my sister died, God rest her soul, I ate my way through four platefuls of sandwiches at one sitting and slept ’round the clock.

DAISY
Did it make you feel better?

MRS PATMORE
Not much, but it passed the time.

Made calls to Pam and Roseanne to tell them about dad. They were both very sweet about it. Sound like they are coping with own age-related health woes. After a couple of falls, Pam in now using a Zimmer frame. Richard’s diabetes has progressed, and sadly he’s developing dementia and can no longer be left on his own.

Dinner was sake-marinated steak with sesame green beans and steamed rice — it was okay but I wouldn’t be in a big hurry to make it again. For dessert we had some applesauce Veronika had made. When I thanked her later, she informed me that it was actually German apfel compot. Hard to see where the difference lies…

Adam was out playing football and Nova had swim practice. I hung out with Lyra who busied herself designing contemporary dance routines — pretty sweet…

September 7, 2015

Adam did the school run this morning — I’m very averse to dealing with that playground at the moment. I don’t want it to get to be a thing, but I absolutely hate the thought of going there and making small talk with people…I’ve just realised that I have no hiking boots or even walking shoes for our upcoming walking weekend in the New Forest with Kiran and Birgit. I’d planned to buy some at Mountain Equipment Co-op when we were in Canada, but with everything that happened, I completely forgot.

After some investigation on the internet, we headed off to an outdoor superstore on the Edgware Road. I’m pretty sure it’s been built on the site of Oriental City. I was after a pair of classic leather walking boots, like my pair before last.

Eventually settled on a pair of Meindl Torontos, which are German made. Picked up a nice pair of walking trousers as well, and Adam bought a shirt and some socks.

Tuna salad for lunch, eaten with the Stoned Wheat Thins from David that I transported back from Canada. Took the packets out of the box to save space, which resulted in some crushing, but they are still a nice addition to salads or soups.

September 6, 2015

Thought I might go running this morning, but turns out I didn’t feel like it at all. I haven’t run an inch since dad died…What I did do was take Lyra to church. For some reason, she enjoys it (the Sunday school part anyway) and I’m happy enough to sit there for an hour, especially if I don’t have anything else I feel I should be doing instead.

Nova had a strange dream last night, she told me about at breakfast:

“We were in Paris with David and Ceinwen. We had to choose whether to move to an orphanage or a convent. Ceinwen chose the convent; I picked the orphanage. Later in the dream, you took me to a restaurant. I excused herself and went into a room to change my clothes. An old man came in and told me where to could hang my things, then lay down on the bed. I realised it was Uncle Bernard. He told me that his real name was Tomado and grandpa’s name was Donato. They had travelled from Iitaly to Canada to start a new life. As soon as he finished speaking he died, and his face went black like the screen of an iPhone when you turn it off…“

Lyra started her circus skills class at Jackson’s Lane this afternoon. She was very excited about it, and thought she might come back having learned to ride a unicycle. Needless to say, that didn’t happen, but she did practice under the leg juggling…

Went round to Beulah and Freddy’s for Rosh Hashanah supper. We’re having it a week early to accommodate their holiday. Poor Freddy is pretty confused these days. He didn’t put on his yarmulke before reading prayers, and when I passed it to him, it took a while for him to remember what to do with it.

In the end, he didn’t read the prayers either. He picked up the book, then cast it aside. I suspect he can no longer read Hebrew. He doesn’t have any idea about their holiday plans either. “You’ll have to ask Beulah,” he said, when I inquired about their holiday.

The meal itself was pretty basic for Beulah, but still very tasty, and it was nice enough evening. But it’s increasingly clear that things can’t go on as they are for very much longer…

September 5, 2015

Had an okay sleep last night… let’s hope I’m gaining ground on the jet lag… Smoothies and wholewheat cinnamon raisin bagels for breakfast. I thought I might start running again this weekend, but I’m really feeling averse to leaving the house at the moment.Anyway, there’s lots to occupy me inside — all the neglected and overdue cleaning and housework for a start. I decided to let Nora go — she wasn’t much of cleaner, and given I don’t want to see people outside the house, it doesn’t make sense to have people coming in.

As it happened, I wasn’t good for very much today besides moping around. The girls made a trip to Muswell Hill to buy baking supplies at Planet Organic. Nova’s getting into healthy/vegan cooking and needed supplies like cacao nibs, hemp seeds and ground flax to make energy bites.

In the afternoon, Adam took Lyra to Jackson’s Lane’s 40th birthday party. I stayed home with Nova, who is dragging her ass through Jane Eyre this weekend in advance of a theatre trip. I’ve never clicked with that book either — I find Jane to be a tedious, moralising bore…

Chickpea pasta soup for dinner. It was Nova’s turn with an outing with dad this evening. We’d bought tickets for an open-air version of Lord of the Flies in Regents Park a couple of months ago — organised by the woman who runs Nova’s book group. I’d planned to go originally, but wasn’t remotely up for it. Hung out with Lyra instead, and watched Jumanji.

Kiran popped by with my case of wine for the catering job. Case and a half actually — and some very nice ones too. He’s prepared some tasting notes to accompany them. I’ve marked them all with little stickers so that Adam doesn’t inadvertently open a £30 bottle of wine when he’s watching football by himself one evening — which has been known to happen…

September 4, 2015

Managed only four hours sleep last night, before I found myself awake in the dark, staring at the ceiling. When I checked my email, there was an important one from Wade. At least it was a good time to call Canada. I need to pick up on my executor duties again…Saw Brenda and Tessa off in a mini-cab. They’ve been in Europe for more than three weeks, and will be glad to get back home I expect…

Headed back to bed for what I expected to would be a short nap and didn’t find the energy to get up again until it was time to collect Lyra from school.

I’ve avoided going to the school so far — I really don’t feel up to making small talk with a bunch of people. I kept to myself, and only ended up speaking to Basil, which was okay as he’s actually a friend…

Nova is disappointed with the way her year has been divided into point groups. She doesn’t have any classes with her two best friends, while the two of them have a number of classes together.

The girls she is sort of friendly with both have closer friends in the group, and she feels a bit left out. She could see it as an opportunity to make new friends — but it doesn’t feel like that…

Watched a documentary about the rock group Queen this evening. There were such a huge phenomenon here, and the rest of the world as I discovered. According to the show, the reason they didn’t make it the same way in North America was down to this video, which just didn’t play well with American audiences:

That was followed by a show on the evolution of the guitar riff, which was very interesting as well. Apparently, Chuck Berry revolutionised guitar playing by playing the lead melody, which piano had done up to that point. They have really good music programming on BBC4 — I’m always getting sucked in their shows when I really should be going to bed…

September 3, 2015

Had a good sleep, making it straight through the night after taking a melatonin tablet…Today was both girls’ first day of school. Nova seemed very on top of her game, at least until came time to put on her shoes. Brenda had given her a nice pair of black flats that we’d agreed would be her school shoes, at least until we got round to buying her some new ones. She waited until this moment to tell me that she’d left them in Canada…:-(

Adam took Lyra in, as I’m not feeling too keen on leaving the house at the moment. At least not if I think there’s the likelihood of seeing anyone. Had breakfast with Brenda. It’s their last full day in town, which they are spending touring the Tower of London.

Made a batch of cranberry and hazelnut biscotti — the second signature bake on the Great British Bake-off. I haven’t made them for years, and had forgotten how satisfying they are to make…

Met Nova at Brent Cross in the afternoon to buy her some shoes. As she was travelling straight from school, I texted her to meet me in the childrens’ shoe department at John Lewis. I was standing there waiting for her when it struck me that she no longer wears children’s shoes. Duh! Her feet are basically the same size as mine now…

Had a look in Office before moving on to New Look, where I bought her a cute pair of patent leather brogues. They were pretty cheap, and we’ll lucky if they last the year. But the way she’s still growing, she might need a new size before then anyway.

Took Brenda and Tessa out for a farewell dinner at 500 — a couple of those appetizer boards, pasta, dessert for the kids (and more red wine for us). I’ve always thought how indulgent it would be to order one of those appetizer boards all to yourself — I might do that for my birthday treat if I feel up to it.

Carried on with the red wine drinking when we got home, and it was 1am by time Brenda and I went to bed…

September 2, 2015

Hello darkness, my old friend… I hope my insomnia isn’t making a reappearance, and I’m just out of whack with my sleeping because of the jetlag.The Kindle comes in handy at times like this. Instead of lying in the dark letting the World Service darken my world view even further, I got stuck in to my latest Karin Slaughter novel. I’ve been ploughing my way through her ouevre over the last couple of weeks.

That’s my low brow reading. On the more literary end of things, I’ve started H is for Hawk, an autobiography by a woman who decides to train a goshawk to cope with the sudden death of her father. Don’t think I’ll be taking that route myself…

Once I dozed off, I slept until after 10am…

Nova had planned to take her cousin Tessa to hang out at Camden Market after breakfast. Brenda didn’t want to miss out, and promised to follow discreetly behind, while the two teenagers did their thing.

Annual family trip to the dentist this afternoon. Thumbs up from the dentist for us all, though I was asked to schedule in a session with the hygenist to scrape some tartar from the back of my bottom front teeth. When he checked his records, it has been over six years, so I can imagine I’ve accumulated a little something back there…

Steak salad for dinner, followed by a mini-Madam-Secretary-marathon — that brings us to the end of the series. It was engaging enough, but not so as I’d miss it if it wasn’t picked up for another season…

September 1, 2015

Rabbits…It’s hard to know when to say it when you’re lying awake most of the night. I took half a blue pill but didn’t seem to do much, and I was up by 3am. Adam was restless too… At least, we’ve progressed a few levels on Wordbrain…I’ve managed to gain five pounds while I was in Canada. I didn’t need to weigh myself to know it — I can feel it in my waistbands. I’ve probably lost running muscle as well, as I haven’t run since Sidney. I imagine I’ll get back into my routines eventually, though I can’t say I feel particularly motivated at the moment…

Took Lyra to Brent Cross this morning to do her back-to-school shopping. Bought new school shoes, socks, cardigan, rucksack and fountain pen. Ate lunch at Yo Sushi before we left as I was faint with hunger. I’ve been getting really hungry at odd times since coming back. It’s the jet lag I guess…

Did a quick Waitrose shop, then headed home for a nap while Lyra did her summer homework assignment: Who am I? She’s gone for a key events approach:

Made my first British Bake-off recipe — a madeira cake, and successfully achieved the definitive crack in the surface. If I’m being critical, I’d say it rose a bit too much. But the texture was lovely, and the flavour bright and lemony.

Brenda and Tessa got back from Paris in time for dinner. I’d planned to make fish tacos but Waitrose no longer stocking tilapia for some reason. Did it with prawns instead — they were still very good…