June 2010

June 30, 2010

Happy anniversary, Wade and Gale!
Wednesdays are always packed with meetings, and there was a particularly big one for my most contentious project this afternoon. I always dread it and find it incredibly frustrating. However, I felt strangely confident today, and spoke up a number of times. I expect it’s an after-effect of my course…I’ve started looking around for an acting class — I enjoyed that so much, and would like to keep it in my life. Not with a view to a second career on the stage, but for the sheer fun of it…

Adam was out babysitting for Doron and Antonia this evening (they’re out celebrating Doron’s birthday). Didn’t feel like cooking, so simply made a batch of salsa and ate it with a bag of taco chips and a beer in front of the tennis…

Must have dozed off, because I was woken by Lyra yelling for me. She was feeling sick and was definitely running a temperature. I gave her some nurofen, which she threw up straight away… Had a hard time convincing the poor little thing to relinquish her duvet for a bedsheet, but finally brought her round by swapping Nova’s duvet as well. The nights are so hot at the moment…

June 29, 2010

Woke to a downpour this morning… “What heavy rain,” I remarked to Lyra at breakfast. “Yes, it is,” she replied, “You can’t carry it!” She’s very into jokes at the moment, and prefers to tell them to one person at a time so that she can repeat them over and over. She tells them to me over and over again as well…She loves to “tell the funny parts of movies”. This involves repeating scenes from her favourite films, including:

• Bambi 2 where the porcupine says to Bambi’s father (the great King of the Forest) “What are you lookin’ at, ya big moose?”
• Winnie the Pooh where Pooh yells at Rabbit’s door “Hello! Is anybody home?” and Rabbit says, “No! Nobody!”

Went to a meeting at the Kings Fund this afternoon — strange to go there for something unrelated to my course… Walked back through John Lewis to Oxford Street, and took time for a manicure. It was billed as an “express 15 minute manicure” but it took more like 30 minutes. Haven’t had my nails done in ages — it was a bit of a treat…

I should have been right on time for my dinner date, but I hadn’t factored in all the construction on Oxford Street. They’re redeveloping Tottenham Court Road station as part of the Cross Rail project, and it is basically an enormous building site now. This meant a big diversion around the back of Goodge Street station…

Met Greg and Wendy for a drink in The Enterprise, then walked up to Cigala. With four of us, we were able to attack a good part of the tapas menu. The food was just as good as last time… Walked up to Kings Cross and caught the bus home. In by 9pm…

June 28, 2010

Adam has gone to Brussels for a meeting (returning tomorrow). Which meant I was doing all the running around getting the girls breakfasted, lunches packed, gym bags sorted etc on my own.We were running late by the time I was hustling Nova up the footpath to school. “What’s that?” she said, pointing at a little grey shape quivering on the footpath in front of us. I expected it to be a squashed snail, but it turned out to be a little baby bird. It wasn’t newborn (as it had a few little feathers) and wasn’t injured, judging from the way it scampered up and down until I managed to catch it.

Once caught, it went perfectly still in my cupped hands. And I realised I had no idea what you are supposed to do when you find a baby bird. In the end, I tucked it under the foliage at the foot of a big tree and headed off for school. It was preying on my conscience though, and after dropping Nova off instead of walking to the tube, I returned home. And there it was huddled under a damp leaf looking forlorn.

I brought it inside, and set it up in Harvey’s old hamster cage, while I scanned the web for a steer on what to do. Nothing — seemed to be the answer. Don’t touch it, don’t give it food or water. The idea seemed to be that you either left it on the ground and sat at a safe distance away watching for a couple of hours to see if the parents returned for it. However, if the bird was in danger of cats (uh, yes) you were to locate the nest, get a ladder and restore it to its home if possible. Not a likely scenario…

In the end, I made it a surrogate nest out of an old tea box and some hamster bedding, and tucked it safely in the hedge above Pete and Pasc’s wall, near where we found it. I fear that this is no better than a sky burial for the poor little thing, but I couldn’t see what else to do.

Late getting in to work, but managed to leave on time for John’s birthday drinks. I took Nova, Fay, Lyra, who were got up in matching white dresses and looking beautiful. Lyra was the life of the party — not surprising given the average age of the guests was about 85… Greg and Wendy arrived part way through the celebrations, and stayed for the toast before we headed back home.

Made dinner once the girls were down — grilled salmon, Japanese rice, and a mange tout salad. Greg was sufficiently impresed with the presentation that he took a picture of it — always gratifying for a cook…;-)

Spent the rest of the evening arranging their travel plans for the next few days. They are planning a trip to Lulworth Cove — and I managed to track down that great hotel Alicia stayed at for her 40th.

To bed at 10:45 to listen to Book at Bedtime on Radio 4 — Juliet is reading a “forgotten classic” called The Rector’s Daughter, and tonight was the first episode.

June 27, 2010

Realised this morning that I’ve lost my journal from the course… I was trying to see it as a metaphor that I’ve packed my heart with learning, am leaving behind my dependence on the written word, intend to communicate more directly etc. But was really relieved when Nicholas emailed me to say that he’d found it and would be posting it to me.Went for a short run, just to reestablish the habit. It’s been weeks since I’ve done a proper run… After that it was time to decorate the birthday cake. Actually Wendy did it, which is better as she’s great at cakes.

I learned a couple of things from her too, like put the cake upside down so that the flat surface faces up…duh… I’d never thought of that. Wendy also said she sometimes makes a paste of icing sugar and water to smooth the surface before icing, but that wasn’t necessary. She decorated it with Smarties and giant chocolate buttons, and it looked great. One Nova can be proud of…

Had a quick salad nicoise for lunch before Adam, Greg, and Nova set off for the Mallinson Centre in the car, leaving Wendy, Lyra and me to walk down. When we arrived Adam was frantically trying to hook up the freeview box to improve the picture reception for the looming England-Germany match. The kids were busy playing games in the gym. Got the table laid and food arranged, then went down to change Lyra into her swimsuit.

Watched a bit of the match before it was time to change Lyra back again. Not long after the damp troops arrived ready for party food. It was the usual feeding frenzy and hula hoop fingers. It’s the same thing every year — they’ve been threading their fingers with hula hoops since they were three years old…

By half time England were down 2-1, though the wrongly disallowed goal that would have equalised it scandalised the English fans. We’d arranged pick-up to coincide with half time, and were home within a couple of minutes of second half kick off. It wasn’t a pretty sight — the heart seemed to have gone out of the England team. And after another German goal, it was all pretty woeful… They’ll be calling for Capello’s head in the press tomorrow…

Dinner was chicken skewers done on the barbeque and a mograbiah salad. Greg and Wendy contributed a lovely bottle of white wine (a Spanish chardonnay I think). Watched a episode of Wallander afterwards. It was good, but I was tired after such a busy weekend and was nodding off by the end…

June 26, 2010

Woke up hot in the night… I’d closed the window because of insects — I’ve been eaten alive by mosquitos since coming to Devon — but it was just too stuffy under the heavy duvet…Down to breakfast at 8am, where we were promptly served the most beautifully presented plate of food. What a contrast to last night… My only quibble was the faintly vinegary taste of my poached egg.

We had a taxi arranged for 8:30am, but there was some confusion about where he was picking us up, and we ended up setting off late. So it was a mini crisis when Adam realised he’d left clothes in the wardrobe. Raced back and picked them up, and careened to the station… to discover that our train had been cancelled.

So we sat in the sunshine for an hour reading the paper.”It is what it is” as my friend Joyce would say. The train — when it arrived — was very busy. And slower too, as it seemed to be making extra stops. It was almost 2:30pm by the time we got back home.

Everyone was at the street party — Freddy and Beulah with the girls, and Greg and Wendy who’d arrived to stay for a few days. The food had been ravaged, but we had a few drinks with everyone before making our way home.

We’re having Nova’s joint birthday party tomorrow, which meant baking a birthday cake. I used the star pan again and my vegan chocolate cake recipe, which turned out nicely. Turns out the party will clash with the England-Germany match. “This is a problem, why?” Nova asked when Adam broke the news to her…

After a nice bottle of prosecco (an anniversary gift from Greg and Wendy), we sat down to a simple pasta supper. Relaxed in front of Wimbledon highlights and the end of the Ghana-USA match. In bed by 10:30…

June 25, 2010

Our final day…:-( We had to check out and eat breakfast before the course started at 9:30, so no wallowing in hangover land this morning…In our final aula, Joyce — who is a black Baptist minister — shared a great story. She said she’d always been troubled by the tiny little pieces of bread that are given out in the sacrament. One week she preached a sermon on abundance and taking what you want from life. Afterwards instead of handing out little morsels of bread she set out an enormous fresh loaf. “Take what you need,” she told her congregation, “there is enough for everybody.” People tore off handfuls and stuffed them in their mouths. “And there we were, chewing and chewing and chewing…” Joyce said. Loved the image…

The rest of the morning involved a series of rituals bringing the programme to an end. In a segment called “packing your suitcase with symbols”, we took turns at the front of the room painting a rock we chose from an array on the table with a symbol that represented our learning on the course. While doing so, we were meant to explain our choice and what it represented like a cookery show presenter might.

I settled on a spiral in bright orange, which I planned to paint within a circle of green. I wasn’t able to realise my vision — using two paint colours was definitely a mistake — but eventually got there by sort of carving the spiral into the orange paint.

After this we moved outdoors. We formed ourselves into a big circle, faced inwards, faced outwards, bowed to each other, the brought things to a formal close with a single simultaneous clap.

We’d all opted to stay on for lunch — tagliatelle with delicious chorizo meatballs and the most beautiful salad I’ve ever seen, full of tendrils and delicate little leaves and flower blossoms. Travelled together by taxi to the train station. The others were all travelling up to London, while I was waiting for Adam’s train to arrive an hour later. I’d planned to spend the time writing in my journal, but their train ended up being delayed, and there was only a five minute gap between them pulling out and Adam arriving.

It was so good to see him — I think he was surprised and touched by my teary eyed welcome. Caught a taxi to our hotel, and lounged about a bit before setting off on a long walk Adam had discovered online. We followed the river back to Dartington Hall, and spent a couple of hours there. It was both strange and appropriate to be spending time with Adam in a place I’d had such intense experiences with people he’s never met. It also gave me the chance to take a few photographs (I’d been kicking myself for not bringing a camera all week…)

Walked back along the river, arriving home about 8pm (I was a seven mile walk). There was just time for a quick shower before our dinner reservation. The food was good, but not great. I had mussels to start, followed by sea bass with a sort of Asian slaw that was pretty tired. Adam ordered mackerel for his main course, and was presented with three enormous mackerel that were hanging off both ends of the plate.

The wine wasn’t chilled properly — and the waitress looked a little stunned when Adam suggested an ice bucket. They’d put it in one of those plastic chiller things, but I’m pretty sure they don’t do anything if the wine isn’t cold in the first place.

Actually the service was probably the main let down. They dining room was half full, and we seemed to have two waitresses tussling over our table. One would take our order, then five minutes later the other one would show up, and look clearly pissed when we told her we’d already ordered.

And for some reason, as tables cleared someone would come out with a spray bottle of antiseptic and make a great show of spraying it down and scrubbing it. Kind of off-putting when you’re trying to have a nice meal. They rattled us through our meal, and we were back in our room by 10pm. Fine by me actually, as I was exhausted…

One final gripe… the restaurant was full of those irritating, officious laminated signs the British seem to excel at. A sign posted twice at the entrance to the dining area said something like, “Children under 14 are not permited [sic] to eat in the dining area at ANY TIME. Sorry for any inconvenience this may cause.” Inconvenience possibly, offense definitely. Imagine showing up for meal with your children and encountering a sign like that. If they feel obliged to have such a stupid policy, there are much better ways of communicating it. It pissed me off, and my children weren’t even with me…

June 24, 2010

Started the day with a debrief session for our acting troupe. What went well, what we’d do differently, what we’d learned etc. For me, it was all about committing my energy to something and really engaging with it. This has made me realise how little of myself I’m actually bringing to my work at the moment.We’ve talked a lot on this course about presence — what it is, why some people have it, whether you can develop it… It occurred to me that being present (ie, fully committed to whatever you’re doing) might equal presence…

For the first time in the four weeks of the course, we had an hour of personal time scheduled. I spent my time walking in the garden and chatting to Adam from a bench in a lovely bower with a view over the rolling Devon hills.

After lunch, we were instructed to create a piece of art using what we could find in the room or grounds, to represent our learning on the course. We had a couple of hours, after which we installed them as if in an art gallery. For the following hour, we took it in turn to visit the various exhibits or explain yours to people who visited you.

My piece was one an enormous version of those folded paper things with the messages inside. Each of the four outer faces represented the four weeks of the course. I used four inner facets for my Myers-Briggs personality type, and four for an image that represented each week’s learning. You opened the four flaps out to find four messages I’ve taken away with me, and in the innermost square there was a tiny little wrapped present and the words “present = presence”. I was quite pleased with it, and it looked rather dramatic arranged on a black music stand:

Something quite uncanny happened that connected my first week’s art piece with this one. In February, we were asked to produce a poster based on a symbol that may have appeared to us during a visualisation exercise. My symbol was a window, and I wanted to find windows the looked out on a landscape that wasn’t a back garden, but wasn’t the great wilderness either.

One of the images I chose had the words “You aren’t here” across it. I kind of liked that and included it without knowing why. When looking for materials for my piece this afternoon, I noticed that the Dartington Hall leaflet has the words “you are here” on the front. For me, it’s about presence again — the “you aren’t here” was about disengagement, and the “you are here” about committing myself to things again. Funnily enough, the Dartington Hall grounds were exactly the sort of landscape I was seeking in those magazines.

There’s never an idle moment on this course, and before I’d even had time to look at everyone’s art, it was time to move to our next session in the great hall. Chairs were arranged in twos and threes for what was described as a “goodbye cafe”. For the next hour, we moved about the room taking the time to say what we wanted to say to each of our course members…

After a quick walk round the garden, it was time to get ready for the formal dinner. I never spend much time over that sort of thing, and quickly wriggled into my cocktail dress and shoes. Discovering that I’d forgotten to bring a razor meant either “doing a Julia Roberts” or wearing my little shrug thing. I’d also neglected to bring an evening bag…

We started with a champagne reception in the private garden, before heading up to dinner in something called “the solar”. The food was very good — definitely a notch up from what we’ve been eating in the restaurant all week.

The group was a bit low energy after last night’s excesses, and it was decided we need music to liven things up. I turned out to have the best music collection, though I hadn’t expected to be providing dance music or I would have made a playlist. It was hard to find music that worked for everyone — we’re a pretty diverse group — but we danced anyway. All except Greta, who has discovered singing. She spent much of the evening in the adjoining minstrels’ gallery, singing and enjoying the marvellous acoustics. Another late one…

June 23, 2010

What a lousy night’s sleep… I knew I had to address the issue from last night, but I didn’t want to disrupt our acting process. The first thing Nicolas (the acting coach) did when we sat down was ask how everyone was feeling. I replied that I was feeling a bit bothered by something that happened last night but expected I’d get over it. “Why don’t you express what you’re feeling to the group?” he suggested.I wasn’t entirely sure about the idea, but eventually stood up and had a rant at Lawrence about how hurt and left out and jealous I’d felt the night before. He took it well, to his credit, and clearly felt terrible about upsetting me. We had a private conversation about it during a break that brought the whole thing to a resolution.

We ran through our scenes several times over the morning — some definitely needed more work than others. Our four main characters are: the manager Capello (Joyce); Wayne Rooney (Lawrence); John Terry (Peter); Steven Gerrard (me). We also have secondary roles as football pundits, ourselves, fans etc.

The story is based on the idea that interpersonal relationships and unresolved conflict off the pitch are affecting performance. So Capello is being too inflexible and refusing to change what worked in a different situation but isn’t working now. John Terry is still upset at losing the captaincy for his sexual indiscretions and is undermining the new caption Gerrard. Gerrard and Terry are completely different personality types but haven’t recognised the implications of this. And Wayne Rooney is having a crisis of confidence, and needs to reconnect with his love of the game.

Nicolas taught us to have a few ‘weigh points’ for each scene — key lines that you know you are going to say, like when Terry and Gerrard are going through their Myer Briggs profiles and Terry says he’s an F. “For fucker?” I quip, semi-seriously. But aside from a couple of lines, we improvised the scene fresh each time. Nicolas also spent a lot of time on the detail of how we’d move the chairs from one scene to the next, how we’d exit, our body positionin in the scenes etc. Otherwise he pretty much left us to get on with it…

The performances took place after lunch. The music group went first, improvising a series of pieces, one of which included voice. We were next… It was a real rush being on stage. We got lots of laughs in the right places, which was encouraging, and people genuinely seemed to enjoy it. The film group went last. Their piece was incredibly moving — I had tears running down my face by the end…

I got incredibly positive feedback on my performance — “You are such a natural!” people kept telling me, and “I wouldn’t have guessed you had such a talent for acting.” I found it difficult to actually believe what them, but as Nicolas said earlier in the week, “If five people tell you it’s a horse, saddle up and ride it!”

We were still on a post-performance high when it was announced that we’d be doing a second performance that day. I opted for the film group this time. We had only two hours for this exercise, and I’d say our film was more of an advert. It was really good fun after the intensity of the acting.

After a quick dinner of risotto and yet another fruit salad, we had the second set of presentations. The music group was all men — the only time that has happened on the course, as there are only four of them — and very different to the pieces earlier today. The acting was very different as well — a piece on what we say at boring meetings and how we really feel inside, which gave each person an opportunity to dance wildly or skip or sing or strut her stuff.

I enjoyed seeing our film as well, and felt removed enough from it already to see it with fresh eyes. I think it’s a pretty good effort for two hours work… It seemed like a great note to end the day on, but we weren’t not done yet…

Our final task of the day was to film a live video diary entry in front of an audience. We sat facing a camera with a list of prompt questions to one side, things like what have you learned about yourself, how are you different from when you started, how will you take this learning into the workplace etc. Once the camera started rolling, your face was projected about twenty feet high on the back wall, which gave the audience the simultaneous of seeing you on screen. There was no time to prepare — people just stepped forward when they felt ready. Some people were very funny, others extremely emotional. One man sobbed through his whole piece, which had the whole room in tears…

At last it was time for the celebratory drinks… Started off by having a long talk with Lawrence in a quiet corner of the garden. I was feeling a bit silly about the incident this morning — I think that the acting work made my emotions so accessible to me, and that perhaps I over expressed them. Lawrence saw it as brave and honest of me…

Joined the rest of the group for hours more drinking… I didn’t stay until the bitter end — I could tell it was going to run for a while when I went to bed at 1am…

June 22, 2010

Another glorious day in Devon… Unfortunately I don’t seem to be waking early enough to spend time in the beautiful gardens. By the time I have a little visit with the girls, and scoff some breakfast it’s time to get started on the course work…Spent most of the day rehearsing tomorrow’s performance. We’ve agreed on the rough shape of the script: recent King’s Fund graduates (ie. us) are flown in to South Africa to sort out the leadership issues that are interfering with England’s ability to perform on the pitch.

Finally finished course work about 9pm and repaired to the bar. I was hoping to have a talk with my learning partner Lawrence — our first opportunity in over a month — but other people joined our table the moment we sat down. For some reason the conversation became kind of flirty and sexually charged. Not my kind of thing, and I felt a bit marginalised.

I assumed I was feeling bored and tired, but back in my room realised that actually I was angry with Lawrence, jealous of one of the other women, and disappointed in a third person who’d made a remark along the lines that she wouldn’t get enough out of working with me because I wouldn’t challenge her enough…

Tossed and turned for hours worrying what to do with it all. I can see how it’s healthy to recognise emotions for what they are instead of fooling yourself that you’re feeling something else. I also know that this course is about confronting emotions and communicating them to others, and that’s what I should do. But I don’t much want to do it…

June 21, 2010

Happy anniversary to us — thirteen years! I’m pretty sure this is the first year that we’ve spent it apart…There are two main themes to this final week of my leadership course:

1. “surfacing the learning and making it portable”
2. expressing our creativity and collaborative skills through performance.

This afternoon we formed ourselves into three arts companies — music, film and theatre. I was torn between the film and theatre groups, but chose theatre on the basis that it would challenge me the most. And boy was I right…

We kicked things off with a “priming walk”. This involved an hour of wandering the beautiful Dartington Hall gardens in silence, seeking inspiration from nature. There are some truly magnificent trees on the property, and I would have loved to have my camera with me.

Once we’d formed our company, we began with an exercise called the emotional tier. Working initially in pairs, we took turns presenting our partners with a topic — dogs, say, or city life. The other partner had to talk about the topic in a series of emotional states that alternated between positive and negative — anger, then excitement, then fear, then playfulness…

I found it incredibly difficult at first — not because I was embarrassed to do it, but because it felt like there was a gap between feeling the emotion and the thoughts and gestures that I expressed. I improved with practice — we all did — and after several goes, I was raging violently to the rest of the group about my anger towards carpets… Good fun, and surprisingly energising…

It was a long day — we put in two hours work on our learning after dinner. Joined everyone for a drink (a “medicinal” whisky mac for me) before heading to bed at 11pm…;-)

June 20, 2010

Happy Father’s day! Gave Adam a card and a box of truffles from the village chocolate shop, and made a batch of pear muffins for breakfast. I don’t think pear is the greatest fruit for muffins — it didn’t seem to integrate into the batter enough, and seemed offputtingly watery… Oh well, it’s the thought that counts and all that…Went off to church with Lyra, returning to report that Gerald got breakfast in bed and no presents, and another guy I don’t know got a fancy teeshirt and a hand-selected case of wine. Apparently, the guy now suspects his wife is having an affair (or feeling large guilt about something) so I think we played it about right…;-)

I’m wearing the ring Adam gave me to mark Lyra’s birth. I said that it would remind me of them when I’m in Devon this week — the blue stone for Nova’s eyes, the yellow stone for Lyra’s golden curls, and the purple stone for daddy’s purple underpants. The girls were delighted with this. “Underpants!” Lyra said again and again, laughing uproariously each time…

I’m going to miss them all… I’m even going to miss the bloody cat, who is so much better now. Her misspent carpet-scratching youth is largely behind her…

I drove off for Paddington at the same time the rest of them headed up to the school for Nova’s 2km fun run. She came fifth out of all the kids competing from the two year-four classes. She’s a nifty little runner — if she was a more competitive person I think she’d be a good athlete.

Met up with a number of my course mates at Paddington station. We were hoping to find seats in the same area, but the was train pretty full, so we stuck with our original reservations.

Just before Taunton, the train drew to a halt. After about ten minutes, there was an announcement telling us that the train was defective and we’d all have to change to another train. Amazingly, the new train was waiting on the next platform, and within fifteen minutes we were en route again. Amazingly good recovery of a defective train situation…

Arrived at Dartington Hall in Totnes, where I’ll be spending the five days, about 8:30pm. It’s a beautiful place, with a campus sort of feel. My room is definitely dorm-like. A single bed, basin in the room, rickety little table. Dropped my bags and headed straight to the restaurant, to meet my course mates. Had a nice seabass dish and half a glass of wine. Don’t want to drink any more than that — I need to regain my health as quickly as posslble to cope with whatever the course will throw at us this week…

June 19, 2010

Feeling slightly less bad… I still have no voice, but feel slightly more energetic. I need to get so much done before I leave for my course tomorrow afternoon… A day of housework interspersed with rest and inhaling sessions over a bowl of eucalyptus water. I need my voice back…Nova and Fay holed up together the whole day working on their American Girl project. They decamped to Fay’s midafternoon (still in their pyjamas) and we didn’t really see Nova until she returned at 8pm that evening…

Made a nice potato pea curry for dinner. Ate it in front of tonight’s World Cup match — Denmark v Cameroon — and an episode of Wallander. Poor Adam is now as sick as I am…

June 18, 2010

Last night’s antics were a serious setback to my health. I can no longer speak at all now, and feel like crap. Honestly, I think it’s about 20% hangover, and 80% the cold from hell…:-<Adam was a star, taking charge of the girls so I could lie in until after 10am. He took Lyra to her ballet class and did the school pick up. I managed to make some mac and cheese for the kids’ dinner, throw together a pan of rocky road, return our dividos, and pick up some snacks for the England-Algeria match… That was pretty much the extent of my exertions for the day…

Watched the match with twelve-year-old Sid and his friend Adam. What an appalling game — I’ve never seen England play so badly. The less said about it the better really…

Nova had a sleepover with Fay. The pair of them spent the evening downstairs in the flat, furiously cutting paper into little school books for their American Girl dolls. Got them to bed about 11pm — after the obligatory midnight snack — and wasn’t far behind them…

June 17, 2010

My fricking cough still hanging on, sapping all my energy… Somehow managed to rouse myself for a trip into town to do a bit of shopping — Nova’s birthday will be upon us soon, and we don’t have a killer idea for her present yet.Did some cooking lime with Lyra this afternoon — chicken marinated in lime and ginger. She turned out to be a little demon at zesting limes with the rasp, and at picking the loosened skins off cloves of garlic. She was keen to help me mix the chicken with the marinade, but hated the way it felt. “This is gross!” she cried when her little hands made contact with the raw meat and slippery marinade.

She didn’t much like eating it either, though I got a few extra mouthfuls into her by saying “This is the chicken that you made, Lyra — isn’t it nice!” The deviousness of parents knows no depths…;-)

Class drinks at The Wrestler this evening. Last thing I felt like doing, but as class rep I felt obliged to go. I’m going to be so glad when this whole class rep stint is over. I was strongarmed into it in the first place, with the assurance that I’d very much be the backup person, when the other two weren’t available for some reason. Instead, I seem to be doing the bulk of it…

Anyway, Adam and I were the first to arrive, and spent best part of an hour there before a few others finally trickled in. Not a great showing to be honest, but I’ve always been of the opinion that the best parties have the least people. Made a good night of it, and was way too drunk by the time we got home at 1am…

June 16, 2010

No more work for the next eleven days — woohoo! I’m going to be sad when my course is over, not least because it breaks up the miserable work situation every month or so, There’s no way I would have got this course paid for in the current economic climate. I’ll be surprised if they even manage to run it next time given the savage public sector budget cuts the ConDem’s are promising…Margo sent me a link today about the terrible floods they’ve had in Provence the last few days. Dozens of people feared dead, homes and cars washed away. Draguignan, which we drove through on the day we arrived has been devastated, as has a little place close to where Maureen lives. People were trapped overnight on trains, and lines in the region have now been suspended. Timing is everything, as Margo says…

Watched “Graveyard of the Fireflies” with the girls this evening. This Studio Ghibli film I rented for Nova the other day turned out to be about two orphaned Japanese kids trying to get by in the last days of WW2. Although it was an animation, it was pretty bleak. When the three-year-old girl finally died of starvation and her brother burned her body in a cardboard box, Nova could have torn a muscle in her chest she was sobbing so hard. Lyra was delighted with the dramatics — “Let’s watch that again,” she said as I was tucking her in, “it was so funny!” which elicited fresh howls from Nova in the top bunk.

June 15, 2010

Productive day at work, mostly because I rode a couple of people in my team until the finished a piece of work that’s been dragging on for ages. It shouldn’t have to be that way, but people are feeling pretty demotivated at the moment…My cold lingers on, though I think I’m feeling a bit better today. Still congested, and frustrated at not being able to run…

When you asked Lyra to finish her snack this evening, she responded with a stroppy “I mam!” She often says ‘I mam’ instead of ‘I am’, which I’d assumed was simply one of those childish mispronounciations. (I wonder if there’s a particular term for those kind of pronounciation errors or jumbled words that children come up with when learning to speak?) Anyway, it suddenly dawned on me today that what she’s saying is “I’m am”…

Our summer holiday in Spain is coming together. We’ve booked an overnight train to San Sebastian, and rented a nice holiday apartment for four nights. From there we’ll take the bus to Bilbao and check into a nice hotel for a couple of nights so we can visit the Guggenheim. We’re going to hire a car after that and drive to a cottage we’ve rented in the mountains for a week. Haven’t worked out what to do after that — we’d like to spend a few days on the coast before flying home from Bilbao, but still have the details to work out…

June 14, 2010

How I love a good night’s sleep! The tide of mucus in my head (nasty image) seems to have ebbed, and I no longer feel so congested, though my hearing is still muffled. I really notice the lack of oxygen, and felt woozy strap hanging on the tube. Not so bad once I got to my desk…Adam came into town and met me for lunch. We ate at Cigala, a Spanish restaurant in Lamb’s Conduit Street that I’ve wanted to try for ages. We went for tapas, which were really good. I drank water, but Adam had a glass of the house red. It was so tasty that we asked the name of it. When the owner told us he bought it from the wine merchants next door, we went straight over and ordered a case. At £3.99 a bottle, we think it’s a steal…

Applied for another British passport this afternoon. The post office does a “check and send” service, that is well worth the £8. They check through your application on the spot and do some of the initial office work, so that the whole thing goes much more smoothly went it arrives at the Home Office. There’s a photo booth on site where you can do your photos as well. Ended up with a pretty reasonable looking photo given the instructions to look as grumpy as possible. Maybe grumpy is a good look for me?

Dinner was salmon marinated in lime juice with green beans. Tasty, but I left the salmon marinating too long, and it got a bit tough, cured almost…

June 13, 2010

Happy birthday, dad — 79 today!
Wade gave me the heads up that dad was trapshooting on the island, so I called his cell phone, but it was too full to record messages…That football party was a setback on the cold front — I shouldn’t have had that second beer… Felt all congested again when I woke this morning. At least the girls slept in until past 9pm, one small mercy…

Adam took them off to Waitrose and the park so I had a restful morning of it. I still feel like we’re trying to get on top of the housework. This is the first normal grocery shop we’ve done in weeks, and I’m still doing holiday laundry…

Took the girls out onto the parade ground with their bikes. Lyra still refuses to pedal her bike. I was trotting along beside her, clamping her foot to the pedal with my hand and pushing it round to give her the idea — but the minute I let go she’d grind to a halt…

Nova cooked dinner tonight — chickpea pasta soup — and made a pretty good job of it too!

June 12, 2010

Happy birthday, Isobel — 4 years old today!
Makes me a bit sad to think of all these little grandchildren growing up that mum will never know…”Who’s going to come to stay today, mummy?” Lyra asked at breakfast. “No one is coming,” I told her. “Why?” she asked, reasonably enough after our recent influx of guests.

She’s very much at the “why” stage these days, and also does an affronted “What?!” in response to the most anodyne remarks. An example:

Me: “I think it might rain this afternoon…”
Lyra: “WHAT?!!”

Spent the afternoon at the Highgate summer fair, which has absolutely mushroomed from its humble beginnings in Pond Square. The are dozens of stalls now, circling the square and lining both sides of the road from the High Street to The Flask. “It’s not so psychotically ‘Highgate’ now,” our friend Berndt remarked. You still see practically everyone you know from the neighbourhood and school, but there now there are a lot of other people besides.

Rides, bungee trampolining, arts and crafts stalls, loads of food, Pearly Kings and Queens, Miss Ballooniverse… it was all happening… The stage acts seems to have been upped a notch as well — heard a very good reggae band at one point, and the Abba impersonators made Lyra’s afternoon when they performed ‘Mamma Mia’.

Went round to Will and Sara’s to watch the England match. Will cooked up a storm on the barbeque(s), and we all crowded round the telly with our plates to watch England’s underwhelming draw against the USA.

Lyra’s spontaneous serenading of one of the fathers there with her version of “Mamma Mia’ was far better received than anything that happened on the pitch. All heads swivelled from the telly as she stood in front of this man she’d just met, warbling “my, my, how can I resist you?” It was a pretty special moment…

June 11, 2010

I want to feel better this morning, but honestly, I think I feel worse… My chest is very tight — I feel unable to draw a full breath, and am breathing with the top two inches of my lungs. I just know I have weeks of coughing ahead of me…:-<Lyra’s made a triumphant return to ballet this afternoon — her first class since breaking her leg. She was very excited, and marched straight in, plonked herself in the circle and dismissed me with a “bye, mum!” Not like poor little Leah, who is still insisting her mum stay in the room two months on — and she’s a year older than Lyra.

Came home via the “divido” store, where we rented Bambi 2 (not as bad as you might expect), and Barbie and the Twelve Dancing Princesses. Think I’ll give that one a miss… Picked up another Studio Ghibli for Nova as well.

Headed up to school with a batch of brownies for the cake sale. They took one look at me and sent me straight home again — I wouldn’t have been good for business in my current state.

Had tacos for dinner — and a melktart for dessert — in honour of World Cup match between Mexico and South Africa. Went straight to bed afterwards. Watched a second match in bed with Lyra for company. “Why aren’t you wearing pyjamas?” she asked me at one point. “Because I have a temperature and I feel too hot,” I replied. “You should wear pyjamas, mum — I don’t like to see the bottoms of the people in my family!” she told me seriously. Understandable position…

June 10, 2010

I would have liked to spend the morning in bed, until I remembered I’d agreed to help chaperone Nova’s class on an activity round the village. Said goodbye to Pat, who’s flying back this morning, and headed up to the school.I had a group of four kids to escort round around the village for an hour. Their task was to take photos of things they liked/didn’t like, and to interview shopkeepers about their businesses. All four of them were surprisingly good little interviewers, though not so great at filling out their forms. Or writing the form actually — the first three questions were exactly the same…

No nap for Lyra (which is increasingly the case) so we hung out all afternoon. Adam was out in the evening (Jackson’s Lane again), so I did the bedtimes, managing to croak out a bedtime story for Lyra. There was no way I could sing, so she sang me three songs instead. Two of them I didn’t even realise she knew — ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ and ‘A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes’ (from Cinderella). Brought tears to my eyes…

June 9, 2010

I’m sick enough to stay home, but have missed so much work lately that I doped myself with Day Nurse and headed in…Had a meeting with my director about the potential changes afoot regarding our team. Actually, I’d already heard what had happened at the director’s meeting from one of my moles. My director gave us a reasonably accurate account — aside from not mentioning the paper she’d presented that advised breaking my team up and redistributing it across the organisation. However, it seems that larger events may be overtaking us. With the change in government there’s a big question mark hanging over the agency’s budget and future role, and they have decided not to take any drastic action until the lay of the land becomes clearer…

I passed this on to my team, which did nothing to allay anxiety levels. This has been dragging on so long that they’re getting to the point that any news would be better than no news. They just want to know what’s going on — but I don’t think anybody knows that…

Went out for dinner with Pat to the Bull and Last. By the time we’d walked there, the last remnants of my voice had gone. Bit of a drag trying to communicate in such a buzzy restaurant. The food was great though — we had trotter wontons and the charcuterie plate to start. My sea trout with Jersey Royals and samphire was delish, as was the baked chocolate mousse and armagnac ice cream I shared with Pat. Had one pint to their three (four?). Caught the bus home, and was tucked up in bed not long after…

June 8, 2010

Margo and Aaron left today — I worked from home, and was able to have lunch with them. I was sad to see their taxi pulling away — it’s been a great visit…The house seemed pretty quiet after they’d left, though not for long… Pat Boeker arrived at dinner time. He’s going to spend a couple of nights with us before flying back to Edmonton.

Adam had some sort of gig at Jackson’s Lane, so Pat and I ate the leftovers from last night’s Indian meal and drank a bottle of red wine. I seem to be getting a cold — I felt increasingly ropey as the evening wore on, and took a Night Nurse to try to get a good night’s sleep.

Nova received a letter from Téa — the girl she met on the train — today. There was no return address, and unsurprisingly she’d lost the little scrap of paper she wrote Téa’s address on. Being Nova, she remembered her last name, and I was able to find her family online in about five minutes — both on the phone book site, and through Facebook. Modern times…

June 7, 2010

Surprisingly few emails for a week away, until it dawned on me that my job share was away for exactly the same period of time. She’s responsible for about a third of the email I receive. The biscuits I’d bought to share with my team were dust by the time I got them home, suitable only for cheesecake base…Left promptly this evening — we’d invited Freddy and Beulah round for a drink. Also I wanted to cook Margo and Aaron a farewell meal and put my new spice box (or masala dabba) to use. Adam is helping this Indian chef write a cookbook, and has agreed to be paid in kind — cooking lessons for me and a couple of friends, the aforementioned spice box, and a spice tour of Wembley.

Once Adam’s parents left, we sat down to dinner — lamb curry, prawn curry, spinach-potato curry, rice, carrot raita, chutney and naan. Everything turned out pretty well, though I have a better spinach-potato curry recipe than the one I followed. Margo and Aaron were supposed to have left this morning, but the BA strike meant their flight was delayed by a day. Frustrating for them, but nice for us to have another day with them…

June 6, 2010

Woke up early and caught up with some email in bed. There were a couple from Trish referring to getting together on 6/6/10. “What’s she on about?” I wondered, before realising with dismay that the Race for Life was today, not next Sunday like I’d convinced myself.Broke the news to Nova, who’s doing it with me for the first time. Instead of my original plan to spend the morning in pyjamas watching Bambi with Lyra, I was scrambling around finding safety pins and race numbers.

Arrived at Trish’s at 10am, to discover she wasn’t much better organised than we were, considering she was hosting lunch for 24 people in a couple of hours. Discovering her fridge had broken — when she poured utterly curdled milk into my cup of coffee — didn’t help matters…

It had gone 10:30 by the time Trish, her daughter Safi, Alicia, Nova and I set off, and we were nearly late getting to the run. Alicia wanted to go for a good time, so she set off on her own. Nova and I started with Trish and Saf, but there were so many people it was hard to stay together and in the end we did it in pairs.

Nova did really well. She’s never run 5km before, and it’s a long distance for little legs. She walked a bit by the pond and up the first big hill. We had a couple of moments on a bench for me to remove a rock from her shoe, and coming down another slope she tripped and skidded on her knees, which required a stretch of limping and sniffling. But other than that she ran the whole thing… I’m so proud of her!

Regrouped at the finish line, and headed off for the obligatory swim in the ladies pond. You must be eight years old to swim in the pond at all, and anyone under fifteen has to do a little swimming test. Nova managed that alright, and we had a cooling dip in the icy water among the baby ducklings. In my heart of hearts I don’t really like swimming in the ladies pond — it’s the thought of all that duck shit. But the water is so cold, there must either be a reasonable amount of circulation or at least an awful lot of water…

Back to Trish’s place for lunch — the rest of my family and other guests arriving not long after us. Way too much food, and litres of rosé… The weather stayed fine until 5pm when a sudden shower brought events to a close…

Good news — Aaron’s wallet has turned up in Margo’s jacket. Fortunately they didn’t do that cancelling cards thing — always a surefire way to find your missing wallet…;-)

June 5, 2010

Busy morning of packing up and cleaning. We were ready for Angela by 9:30am, with the house somewhat cleaner than we’d found it. She didn’t seem all that concerned, not even bothering to take a look around before returning our deposit. She could talk the hind leg off a donkey, that woman — and it took almost 45 minutes to extricate ourselves from her and get on the road.Had a much more straightforward drive to the train station this time, and returned the car without incident. Almost anticlimactic after last week’s adventures…

Our train departed on time, and everything seemed to be going to plan when just north of Avignon we ground to a halt. After an interminable wait, and a couple of cryptic messages in French alluding to “signalling issues”, we finally started moving again. Backwards… We crept backwards for ages at five miles an hour until somehow we reached Lyon. Not quite sure how we managed that, as Lyon was supposed to be our next stop in the forward direction. We must have taken some backwater track cross country, I guess.

By now we were almost an hour and a half behind schedule, and it was looking doubtful whether we’d make our connection with the Eurostar in Lille. Not worth worrying about as it was completely out of our hands. As soon as we were up to speed and clipping along at 180mph, we broke out the bottle of premixed pastis to restore our equilibrium…;-) Nova befriended a little girl called Téa, which kept her happy and amused for the rest of the journey (though it put Lyra’s nose out of joint…)

There were lots of passenger in the same situation as us, and when we pulled into Lille the Eurostar staff were ready to whisk us through check in and onto our next train. The last leg zoomed by, and we were back in London before we knew it…

A couple of G&Ts and a pizza for dinner — good to be home…

June 4, 2010

Last full day in Provence… and the first morning I’ve woken with a headache. I blame the Guwurtztraminer…;-) It was meant to be my morning for a lie in, but between Lyra’s three cry outs in the night and Le Mew’s greeting at 6am, it never came off…Margo and Aaron did the croissant run, then went off for a morning’s shopping, while we had a family morning around the pool. Today’s excitement came when Le Mew caught a garden snake. He cornered it behind the watering can. The girls were keen for us to intervene, but the snake appeared to be giving as good as it got, and eventually Le Mew abandoned the assault.

Adam bought a Times newspaper this week. It always feel a bit disorienting to read a different paper than your accustomed one. I’ve always hated the Times, but I discovered I hate it less than I used to. I guess one — or both of us — have changed… While the op ed pieces are generally repellent, the quality of the writing and the story ideas themselves are very good. But somehow it always feels like it’s written for sixty year olds.

Frittata and asparagus for lunch, then into town for a final grocery shop, recycling, and our daily ice cream fix — cherry and lemon tart this time…

Drove down to Bagnol le Foret (about 20 minutes away) for a drink with Antonia’s mum Maureen, who’s had a place down here for years. It was so nice to see her — she’s such a warm, open person and always reminds me of my mum. She gave us a bit of a hard time about not finding a place through her, but I’m very happy with what we’ve rented.

Brochettes grilled on the barbeque and salad for dinner, with a bottle of that sparkling rosé that Aaron has taken a shine to. Don’t see him drinking a lot of that back in Port Alberni…;-) Relatively early night — we have a big day ahead of us tomorrow…

June 3, 2010

Today’s outing was a tour the gorge of Verdon. According to Margo, the Verdon gorge the second most impressive canyon after the Grand Canyon. Privately, I thought she’d misread the guidebook… How could there be such an amazing site in France that I’d never heard of?Set off by 9:30am. We’re getting used to those windy little roads now, though they’re no fun for girls prone to car sickness. Within an hour Nova was ralphing spectacularly (and discreetly) into a plastic bag. Adam pulled over at the first opportunity to give her the space to recompose herself.

We must have stopped in a rare pocket of phone reception, because Adam’s phone immediately started ringing. It was Pat Boeker (who’s been staying in our house while we’re away) informing us he’d left Harvey’s cage and the living room doors open overnight and now Harvey was missing…

They’d been searching for two hours without success… It was pretty upsetting news — I love that little guy, and hated to think of him ending up as a kitty snack. I dreaded the thought of telling the girls the worrying news as well.

The next time we had some phone reception, I called Pat back and instructed him to put Harvey’s cage on the livingroom floor with the door open so if he hadn’t been devoured by our cat already, he’d have the option of moving back in. They’d already set off, but agreed to return. Good thing they did, because when Pat was moving the cage onto the floor, he noticed Harvey fast asleep in the shavings under his wheel… Big relief for all of us!

Stopped for lunch in the town of Palud at a little bar alongside the road, before touring the canyon. The gorge is truly spectacular — having never seen the Grand Canyon, I’d have to say this was one of the most impressive landscapes I’ve ever seen. A particular highlight was watching griffon vultures soaring on the currents above the canyon, practically at eye level.

Continued making our way round the canyon, stopping at the various viewpoints. I was feeling a little car sick myself by this point, so Adam and I swapped places, which was much better.

Dinner was sea bream with rosemary roast potatoes, and a nice Guwurtztraminer. And for our viewing pleasure, the first episode of The Wire. It was great to see those guys again — but not so great I managed to stay awake for the whole show…;-)

June 2, 2010

Up early with the girls and gave them their breakfast. It was almost two hours before the others surfaced. Actually, we were encouraged to start our morning so early by a local cat who has adopted us. I’m not sure if it’s wild — according to the caretaker there are a lot of wild cats about — but it’s certainly not very wild with us. Aaron has christened it Le Mew.After the obligatory croissant breakfast — Aaron and I did the honours this morning — we headed off to Mons, which is meant to be one of the prettiest villages of the inland Var region. It is certainly beautifully situated, with panoramic views stretching as far as Cannes, but seemed strangely deserted. Aside from cats… Reminded me of the Studio Ghibli film ‘The Cat Returns’….

Spotted a sign for a restaurant called La Maquisade, which described itself as a “restaurant in the hills”. The road up there was little more than a goat track, and we were starting to wonder whether to stick with the plan when a ramshackle farmhouse with a lovely garden came into view.

Parked up alongside two other cars and walked up the drive, setting an enormous, chained dog to barking. A woman approached and told us that they only served food by reservation, but went off to see what might be done. She returned five minutes later with a suggested menu they could rustle up: courgette fritters, terrine and salad to start; duck confit and fried rice; a cheese course (Haute Savoie, Forme d’Ambert, chevre au poivre, and camembert); ice cream; and coffee. The food turned out to be delicious, the portions generous, and 22 euros a head (plus wine ) it was great value.

There was one other table of three sitting in the garden with us. They were from West Hampstead, as the girls discovered on a socialising expedition. It was much cooler up there in the hills — and we had a spot of rain at the very end — but it was a beautiful spot. There were goats foraging on the bank behind our table, the aforementioned dog mooching around in the long grass (Aaron christened him ‘Mr Woof’), and a pen with a few pigs rooting around over by our car.

Headed home two and a half hours later, happy and replete. I fed the girls (children can be remarkably rigid about mealtimes) but didn’t bother with our dinner until about 9:30, had a bit of cheese amd fruit. Aaron’s choice of film was The Bourne Supremacy, which I’ve seen before but happily watched again (dozing in the middle, as always…)

June 1, 2010

I love those little yogurts in the glass pots you can buy in France. I always feel rather chic eating one of them for breakfast…Market day in Fayence — one of three markets each week. There wasn’t as much food on offer as I’d expected — lots of clothes, crafts, soap, jewellery, pottery… Though we still managed to fill our sacks with cheeses, cured meat, olives, vegetables, honey and nougat (which seems to be a local speciality).

As usual, we’ve given Nova 20 euros of holiday money to spend. And as usual, it’s burning a hole in her pocket. When we were in Provence last year, I bought her a little pottery figure called a santon. These traditional figures are part of the extended Provencal nativity. Instead of the usual Mary, Jesus, Joseph, wise men, the Provencal nativity has an entire village of characters — olive bearer, goose girl, baker, washerwoman etc. Nova picked out a little child figure this time. Not cheap at 13 curos, but she’s happy with it. Just hope it makes it home in one piece…

Lunch was quiche with leftover potato salad, and cherries for dessert. In the afternoon, we drove into Cannes, following a much better route back to the motorway. We’ll definitely be going that way on the return trip to Aix…

Parked in an underground car park near the Croisette. Margo and Aaron went off to explore on their own, and we gave the kids twenty minutes in the little playground next to the beach. Made the unexpected discovery that Lyra wasn’t wearing any knickers when she attempted to slide down the fireman’s pole — her unprotected little tinkler stuck to the metal like a suction cup. “Ouch!” she yelled, drawing everyone’s attention to her predicament. “Ouch” indeed…

After giving the pole a quick sanitising wipe, we headed along the promenade, past the film festival hall. The harbour is crowded with the most ostentatious yachts, many flying flags from Malta, Lichtenstein, and other tax-friendly havens. I was hoping to get a look at the old harbour, but we didn’t have time to check it out before our agreed rendezvous.

Found a pleasant little cafe, and settled with the girls while Adam went off to meet Margo and Aaron. Ordered grenadine water and frites for the kids, and something called a “piscine” of rose for myself (I had to try that!) Turned out to be a large goblet of rosé on ice. By the time the others joined us, I was ready for a second piscine. Or not — I promptly sent it flying across the table. Fortunately Margo shared hers with me…;-)

Drove along the coast to the beach that had been recommended, though there wasn’t much to recommend it in my opinion. Had a quick dip — for the sake of saying we’d done it as much as anything — then headed home. Fed the kids a meal of pesto pasta first — our dinner of steamed asparagus and French cheeses wouldn’t have been up their alley.

Tonight’s movie was This Is England (Adam’s choice). It was a semi-autobiographical story of a little boy in northern England who got drawn into a racist gang. The director tried to draw connections between racism and the Falklands War. Actually, I hated it, though the little boy playing Shaun gave an amazing performance…