January 2007

January 31, 2007

Nova came in at 6am saying she wanted to sleep some more, then chatted solidly for an hour until it was time to get up…We had our IT guy round to install new memory in my computer and fix some home networking difficulties, which ended up taking hours, but it all seems to be working nicely now.

I spent most of the morning cooking. I had my work team round this afternoon, and prepared salmon canapes, salsa, guacamole, vegetarian chilli, cornbread, and a chocolate hazelnut slice.

It all came off quite nicely. Adam joined us for awhile, then headed off to see a flat in Archway and to pick up Nova from her playdate.

Adam’s quite excited about the potential of this flat, when Nova piped up with “I hope you are going to shrink your mortgage!” More advertising wisdom… (she also asked Adam if he’d had enamel treatment on his teeth this morning…)

We got a lovely surprise in the post this afternoon. Margo and Aaron sent us a beautiful hamper full of lots of little treats to keep me from another evening of popcorn for dinner — thanks, guys!

January 30, 2007

I got a solid four hour block of sleep last night, and feel much better for it. I usually wake up every hour to hour and a half to turn over. I think it’s the hip pain that wakes me up.Stopped in for a coffee with Pasc after drop-off. When I told her about my recent nit embarrassment, she informed me that she, Madonna, Trish and Val usually get nits when their children have them, which sounds like half the time. She also advised me not to bother with expensive nit shampoos, but just to dump a third of a bottle of conditioner on Nova’s head once a week, and comb that through.

Had another coffee in the Muswell Hill Starbucks this afternoon. I had a hankering for one of those coffees I’d never normally order — a caramel frappucino with whipped cream and flaked almonds or something — but settled for a flavoured latte and piece of cake.

These are the last few weeks I can enjoy the illusion that calories don’t count when you are pregnant that lasts until the day after the baby is born and the weight (or even the bump) doesn’t magically disappear…

January 29, 2007

Today is my first real day of maternity leave. Last week, I would have been on the tube by now… Instead, after making Nova’s lunch and taking her to school, I had a relaxing morning at home with Adam.At school dropoff this morning, I received numerous differing opinions on the size and shape of my bump. Apparently I’m “so big”, “still quite small”, carrying high, carrying low… Quite funny…

Adam and I went on a date this afternoon to the O2 Centre in Swiss Cottage, where I inhaled a veggie burger combo and three cokes for lunch, bought a couple of things at Habitat, then saw the new James Bond film, Casino Royale.

It’s the story of James Bond’s early days, when he was first made a 00 agent. I thought it was great — darker and more realistic than previous efforts. Daniel Craig makes an excellent new Bond. I liked Sean Connery, but found both Roger Moore and Pierce Brosnan smirking dandies.

Craig was scraped and bruised from the first scene (though I couldn’t help but notice that he healed really fast) and the only cheap gag line — the kind that usually really annoy me — was a gem. At one point James orders a martini, and the waiter asks him if he’d like it shaken or stirred, Bond replies, “Do I look like I give a damn?” Quite.

January 28, 2007

It’s boring going on about how badly I’m sleeping, so I won’t for a change…
I took Nova swimming at the Laboratory this morning. (“Mental note, bring a bigger towel next time…”) I felt a bit apprehensive climbing into water roiling with a hundred overexcited children, flailing limbs, flying floatation devices…Nova’s swimming has come on a lot. She happily leaps off the side, can swim a good distance in a kind of breaststroke (breathing still doesn’t feature prominently), and swim down to retrieve rings off the bottom of the pool.

I noticed I was getting lots of stares — the most I’ve received since I left my twenties — which is surprising, as most of those men must have seen it before, accompanied as they were by three to six year olds. In fact, a good number of them likely have pregnant wives at home. Maybe they were thinking, “Hmmm, when I tell Rachel that there was a eight month pregnant woman in the pool, perhaps she’ll take Oliver swimming next weekend.”

Had an early roast dinner — roast chicken, roast potatoes, corn, green beans — which turned out pretty well, although I still have no idea how to carve a chicken. They always look like I’ve got at them with a chainsaw…

I braved my yoga class this evening. I kept a close eye on the nit woman, and thought she might be blanking me at first, but made a point of speaking to her afterward and she was quite friendly, so maybe she had a lucky escape, or else being childless has no idea that she even has nits or that she caught them from me…

January 27, 2007

According to Nova, “Everyday moisture is the secret of beautiful skin.” She’s very into the adverts at the moment, and I sometimes overhear her reciting the text of the advert along with the actors speak the lines. It reminds me of little David and the Irish Spring soap advert. For weeks, David was pestering mum to buy Irish Spring when she went to the shops. When she finally brought it home, David seized on it happily, then immediately got a knife from the cutlery drawer and started scraping slices off it like they did on TV to show you that the green and white stripes went straight through…While Adam slept well, I had my usual fractured series of catnaps. I seem to have pulled muscle in my side, or perhaps it’s just a cramp. Either way, it made it difficult to toss and turn…

After a lazy morning, we had a family stagger around Waitrose, with Nova doing most of the running and fetching, and Adam and I spelling each other off on pushing the trolley.

I notice that the angle of the car seats is getting to be a problem. When I drive, I feel like my bump is pushed into my thighs and my lungs are compressed against my bump. My arms are fully extended, but I can’t put the seat any closer or my bump would be against the steering wheel.

Back at the ranch, I had to carry the seven bags up the two flights of stairs to the kitchen, as neither Adam or Nova were really able to help.

We had haggis, neeps and tatties for dinner. To her credit, Nova didn’t raise a complaint. She wasn’t that keen on the neeps (“they’re too watery and boring,” she said, which is a pretty accurate description of mashed up swede) but ate up nicely. I had a little sip of whisky for the toast, but it was hardly our usual raucous Burn’s Night affair.

January 26, 2007

Adam went in for his epigastric hernia operation today. I got him to take the old desk for recycling first, and continued my nagging campaign to get him to put up the CD shelves that have been sitting in the middle of the livingroom floor for a week. (Shades of childhood memories — I’m sure I can remember mum nagging dad about putting up shelves at various times…) However, Adam was trying to finish some adidas work and it didn’t go very smoothly… Pete kindly came over to finish the job.

After school, Nova and I went into the village to buy daddy some flowers (she chose hot pink roses) and a football magazine. Nova told me seriously that “children are keen to choose things, but adults need to pay for them.”

We didn’t know when Adam’s surgery would actually happen (he was on a list), so we’d arranged for Freddy to pick up Adam and Beulah to take Nova to her swimming lesson so I could be sure to be home when he was released. Adam was pretty woozy when he finally arrived at 6:30, but his head seemed to clear over the evening.

He has a tiny little incision, which is covered by a square inch of gauze (about the size of those commemoratve stamps you sometimes get). I’m surprised they needed to do the procedure under general anaesthetic — and think the anaesthetic is probably the worst part of the whole thing.

He’s got some pain killers to take over the coming days, and isn’t supposed to:

• do anything strenuous (2 weeks)
• get the wound wet (5 days)
• drive (1 week)
• lift anything over five pounds (6 weeks)

Of course they give you the same advice after a c-section (which is major abdominal surgery), and it’s universally disregarded. How many mums aren’t going to lift their babies for six weeks?

January 25, 2007

I spent the afternoon building our new IKEA desk. I must admit I like doing flat pack assembly (though we probably should improve the quality of our tools).The main thing is to take your time. I group all the different pieces of wood according to type, arrange and count all the little piles of screws and other metal bits, and then proceed methodically step by step, always doublechecking that I’ve got the right piece of wood with the requisite number of predrilled holes aligned the right way before I start assembling.

It’s your basic “measure twice, cut once” advice, supplemented by what I learned from reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Actually it applies pretty universally to most jobs a person does…

When Adam got back we moved it into position, and I must say it looks great. Even though it’s a bit bigger than the old desk, it tucks into the space better, has more storage space, and the dark cupboard door and drawer fronts match the room very nicely.

Nova and I are working on a piano duet at the moment, which is good fun. I know I’m hardly impartial, but I think she shows promise at the piano. She’s already reading music, and assigns the right measures to the notes the first time she plays a piece. She’s also starting to pick things out by ear. Most surprising to me, she’s actually keen to practice, and it’s a really nice mum and daughter thing to do together. (I would have enjoyed sharing this with mum, given our fraught relationship around piano practicing…)

It was Beulah’s 75th birthday party this evening. Freddy hired a French restaurant in Crouch End for the evening, and hosted a dinner for about thirty friends and family. There was one woman I didn’t recognise, but the rest are people I’ve known for fifteen years now.

We were seated at the “children’s table” (average age 45) with Adam’s two cousins and their wives and Doron and Antonia.The food was good — I chose onion soup, lamb with charlotte potatoes, and the walnut brandy cake. Freddy always gets very emotional at family occasions, and made a lovely little speech about how their family are friends, and friends are family before breaking down during his toast to Beulah.

It was a really nice evening, and everyone was delighted about the pregnancy and told me how beautiful I looked. I’m sure Beulah has shared some of the difficulties we’ve had with people over the years…

January 24, 2007

So, today’s my first day of maternity leave. Actually, I’m officially on annual leave for all of February, and start my maternity leave on 4 March. I get full pay for eight weeks, then half pay for another ten weeks, then the rest is unpaid, although there’s a minor statutory bit that kicks in somewhere as well.Over the next four weeks, I’d like to strike a balance between relaxation, baby preparations, and getting out and about a bit — cinema, galleries, lunch with friends etc. The first few months after the baby arrives will be completely consumed by meeting her needs. You’re lucky to get a half hour to yourself in the course of day…

Moira McLaughlin has been attacked by a grizzly bear. Wendy emailed me about it today, and I looked up the full story in the Edmonton newspaper. It sounds like she’s lucky to be alive, and is still in the hospital undergoing surgery and skin grafts on her hand.

Nova’s teacher pulled me aside at pick up today to talk to me about Nova’s reading. Apparently, they’ve had all the infant school children’s (reception, year 1, and year 2) reading levels assessed and are implementing a new literacy scheme that involves organising the children into little reading groups. Nova’s reading level is so far above the rest of the year 1 kids that there is no one to group her with, and scored higher than all the year 2 children as well. The teacher feels that Nova (and a few year 2 kids) are too advanced benefit from the new scheme, so they will continue reading one-on-one with a teacher instead. The teacher wanted me to prepare Nova so she won’t be upset when she’s the only one in the class without a reading group, which was thoughtful of her.

January 23, 2007

Today is my last day of work! I had a few bits of work to do, some editing, and a lot of tidying up. We had a three-way ADs meeting with Tina, Heidi and myself. It was a bit strange to have Heidi chipping in with her views — at times I felt like reminding her that she wasn’t actually in post until Monday, but restrained myself. One of the things about job sharing that takes the most work is joint decision making, and I think three-way decision making would be a bridge too far for me.Went out for lunch with Louise and Tina, and had a tea and cake send off with the Comms directorate in the afternoon (£80 John Lewis coupons, a dozen roses and a big card).

Took another taxi home (seemed fitting for my last day) and snuck in for a short nap. Adam woke me up when he came in at 6:30. Miso soup with cranberry tarte tatin for dessert.

January 22, 2007

Glad to be working at home today. I’m still pretty tired from my full-on last week. Had a couple of phone meetings, and a handover with my maternity cover.I had a midwife appointment in the afternoon. They’ve restructured the midwife care in this area starting this month, and I’m no longer under the Highgate midwives, but have been transferred to the Hornsey midwives. Also, the appointments are now at the GPs office instead of the hospital.

I arrived five minutes early and took a seat in the waiting room. There are five consulting rooms, and no way of telling which doctor/nurse is working out of which one. After about half an hour I saw a heavily pregnant woman followed shortly afterwards by a disheveled young woman with a bag and coat leave the middle room. “I hope that’s not the midwive,” I thought to myself.

Fifteen minutes later, no one had entered or left that room, and people who had arrived after me were being seen in the other rooms. I went back to reception and said I thought the midwife had left without seeing me. “Oh, no, she’s just running late,” the receptionist said. I told her I’d seen the midwife leave, and sure enough no one answered when she paged the room.

It turns out that the GPs office and the midwives aren’t communicating when they book appointments. “Sorry about that,” the receptionist said. “You’ll need to call the midwives directly to make another appointment.” I told her that I had taken the afternoon off work for this appointment, was 35 weeks pregnant, and had no intention of leaving the office without an antenatal checkup. After a load of tutting and sighing, and tapping away on her keyboard. She told me she’d squeezed me in to one of the GPs schedules.

I returned to the waiting room and was seen within about 10 minutes. The GP was very apologetic about the mix-up and also that she didn’t have the equipment needed to do a proper checkup. She did take my blood pressure and measure my bump, and as the baby was wriggling about the whole time, I assume we’d have heard a healthy heartbeat if she had had a Sonicaid.

Adam had his Alexander technique swimming lesson this afternoon, which was my Christmas present to him. It’s all about swimming in a way that incorporates the principles of the Alexander technique. He was quite inspired by it, and is going to book a couple of additional lessons to reinforce what he’s learned. It sounded quite interesting…

January 21, 2007

I’m exhausted — I woke up numerous times in the night…
The girls came in at 7:30, wanting to do painting with Nova’s Rainbow Watercolours kit. Adam stumbled upstairs to get them sorted out, and they were furiously watercolouring away when we came upstairs to make breakfast.They played really well together all morning, Pasc came round about noon, stayed for tea, then ended up staying for lunch as well, before setting off about 2pm.

Nova had a birthday party at the Sobell Centre in the afternoon. Sobell Centre parties are a nightmare when the cooincide with Arsenal home games, and this party clashed with the Arsenal-Man U match. The traffic on Holloway Road is terrible, and the Sobell Centre’s parking is requisitioned for the football fans. Adam had been crowing to Sarah when she called to see about sharing pickup/drop off as we assumed Nova wasn’t invited. (I later found the invitation in her schoolwork drawer…) So instead of watching the game on satellite TV with a few cold ones, Adam was struggling up and down the Holloway Road listening to the match on the radio…

I got some rest while they were away. Nova returned claiming she only wanted a lunchy dinner, by which she means pitta bread, hummus, olives etc., then had an enormous appetite for my grilled salmon with quinoa salad. She’s eating a lot at the moment — it’s not unusual for her to have two or three pieces of fruit after her dinner. Maybe she’s regaining the weight she lost with the pneumonia, or going through a growth spurt…

January 20, 2007

Fay is staying overnight so Pete and Pasc can go to a wedding in Oxford. I got Nova’s room sorted while Adam went off for his eye test, and to IKEA to pick up a desk (ours is falling apart) and some cd shelves.We gave the girls lunch, then they disappeared into Nova’s room for the rest of the afternoon. Adam took them to the park to feed the ducks and get some fresh air, and sorted out their dinner — tuna sweetcorn pasta — then they settled in front of Shark Boy and Lava Girl before bed. Let them read until 9pm as a special treat, then it was lights out.

I don’t know what time they went to sleep but we didn’t hear from them again. They get on really nicely together, and are no trouble whatsoever. It’s actually easier than having Nova on her own…

Dad called for a chat. He mentioned that he’s been trying to get ahold of Gordon Elliot, but that his phone number seems to be disconnected. We did a search on the web, and discovered that Gordon died on 14 December, which is sad. He was a great friend of mum and dad’s, and I used to visit him occasionally when I lived in the West End.

Eytan and Andy phoned, trying to get Adam to come to the pub. He turned them down, saying he’d had too many nights out in a row, but they resolved this obstacle by coming round to our house once the pub closed. I snuck off to bed when I heard them outside, and left them to it…

January 19, 2007

Travelled in early this morning. We have our Associate Directors away day, which started at 9:30, and I couldn’t face the rush hour travel. I sat in Starbucks with a latte and a muffin working my way through a sudoku until it was time to make a move. I was still first one to arrive…It was a productive day. I tend to talk less than most of my colleagues, but has the effect of drawing more attention to what I do say. I came up with a couple of good ideas, which I consider a good day’s work. Went for a drink with Tina afterward at the Knights Templar pub. I’ll take Greg and Wendy the next time they visit — it’s connected with all that Templar history (Holy Blood, Holy Grail; DaVinci Code) and the loos are amazing.

Absolutely exhausted by the time I got home. Plus I had to deal with a nutter on the tube — a disheveled looking guy, talking into a block of wood as if it were a mobile phone, and making insulting or vaguely threatening comments about the people in the carriage. He was standing right to my seat, and it was a relief when he finally got off.

Once again Adam hadn’t sorted dinner, and was dashing off to his singles club, so after a scan of the bleak contents of the fridge, it was popcorn for dinner for me…

January 18, 2007

We held internal interviews for a manager level post that has come vacant in our team. Knowing all the candidates quite well, I expected it to be straightforward, after seeing three candidates the panel was divided. We agreed on the facts (ie, who was strongest on paper) but not on who to appoint. After almost five hours in the interview room we were no closer to reaching a decision, and decided to take the matter to Lou.It was 2pm by this point, and I hadn’t had any lunch, so I popped to Sainsburys for a sandwich, then reconvened. Lou took a good approach. We discussed the two candidates were were stuck between in turn: I spoke first about the candidate I wasn’t supporting, listing strengths, weaknesses, and training required, then Tina added anything I hadn’t covered, then we did it the opposite way round for my candidate.

Having heard from both of us, Louise expressed her support for my view, although she left the decision to us. She did cite a couple of reasons for her view that I hadn’t mentioned, which was good as the “new information” made it easier for Tina to give way.

There were severe wind storms across the country today, and traffic everywhere was in a mess. Half the trains and tube lines were severely affected, and I just couldn’t face the thought of the Northern Line. I invested my dwindling reserves of energy in tracking down a cab, which were pretty scarce, but eventually found one on a side street.

The cabbie said that there was a tree down in Highgate, but I told him to give it a try anyway. Out of the centre, traffic not that bad. There were 11 people killed across the country this afternoon, one a little boy in Kentish Town where a wall blew down. Stopping at a traffic light in Kentish Town, the lampposts were visibly rocking.

Adam hadn’t done anything about dinner, and was shooting off to his football practice, so I got Nova to bed and made us fishcake sandwiches when he got back. It put me in mind of my conversation with Michaela the other day. Her husband works in an office, while she works part time from home, and she is very clear that even though she’s based at home, it’s not her responsibility to cook for him. In fact, she often eats with the girls, and then he has to fend for himself when he gets home at 9pm. I’m happy enough to do the cooking most of the time, but I do find it frustrating when Adam doesn’t think to cook on the days he’s at home and I’m out.

Phoned the manager candidates and to tell them who we were planning to appoint. I’ve never had to do that before, and it was a bit awkward, but they all seemed to take it quite well.

January 17, 2007

Another lousy night’s sleep… yawn…
There were two obvious transvestites in my half of the train carriage, and they seemed completely unconnected to each other. Even in as cosmopolitan a city as London this was an unusual site. They weren’t pretty lady-boy types either, where you’re checking for an Adam’s apple to confirm your suspicions, and envying their legs. They were both hulking brutes, one had five o’clock shadow (at 9am) and the other was wearing the most preposturous wig and an ill fitting leopardskin spandex dress. Livened up the journey a bit…I arrived just in time to chair my manager’s meeting and announce the appointment. Left early enough to pick up Nova from school, then carried on working for a few more hours.

Adam made smoked salmon pasta, which was very nice, but I ate far to much and had a miserable evening with heartburn. I actually broke out the Gaviscon,which provided instant — if short lived — relief.

January 16, 2007

Terrible night’s sleep… I’m getting too big, and have to wake up to lurch from one side to the other.Had the second interview for my maternity cover this morning. I left the house early, but unfortunately not early enough. There was some problem with the trains and the platform was lined three deep. I had to let a couple go before I squeezed on, but happily I got a seat at Archway.

The interview went alright, though it’s always awkward interviewing internal candidates, especially when you’ve worked with the people for years. It was a close decision, but Louise and I both agreed — she’ll notify the applicants.

Pulled together a value for money analysis on the top two suppliers for our new content management system. The procurement panel unanimously preferred the more expensive of the two, so I needed to write something for the finance director justifying the extra expenditure of public money. At least I brought my lunch, having learned my lesson last week.

I left early enough but the trains were still stuffed, plus there were no High Barnet trains on the Charing Cross branch, so I had to change at Camden. I snuck into the house and had a little rest before going upstairs to greet Nova. Once I announce my presence, Simonia is persona non grata in Nova’s eyes.

January 15, 2007

I had the day off, as I’m going in for the rest of the week. I’m having quite an intense work period, but it does mean I get to leave that bit earlier…Met Michaela at the British Museum and we went to the History From Above exhibition — aerial photos of world heritage sites from around the world. Ancient ruins often look more interesting from above. You get a sense of the scale and layout that is missing when you’re wandering around a pile of rubble in the beating sun.

Ate lunch in the nice restaurant at the top of the Great Court — artichoke ravioli and a white wine spritzer. Shared my parenting theory that you default to parenting the way you were parented, which is why, contrary to expectations, Adam is the disciplinarian and rule setter, and I’m the permissive parent. Mom and dad had some rules, but I’m in no doubt that things were pretty laid back at our house compared to the Garfunkels. Also, I think our expectations of each other are grounded in the roles our parents took on — and there were some big differences there as well…

January 14, 2007

I made apple cinnamon muffins this morning. They were a bit wet (extra liquid in the apple sauce) and the cinnamon sugar I sprinkled on top didn’t really stick. They tasted good though…Adam took Nova swimming, while I dozed on couch. We had polar bread sandwiches for lunch: mackerel-cottage cheese-harissa for Adam and me, smoked salmon cream cheese for Nova. They were excellent. I’d read about polar bread on the Chocolate and Zucchini website, an online food journal that I really enjoy.

Chose our calendar images today — lots to choose from with trips to Morocco, Amsterdam, Canada and Sicily last year. I had the brain wave of adding a January 2008 page to this year’s calendar, so we won’t be without one while we get around to making the next one. Here’s the images we chose:

Andrea and Nova, Palermo (January)

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Did piano practice with Nova before bed. She seems to enjoy practicing, more than I did at any rate. I think the keyboard adds an element of fun as well. Once we’ve done the core stuff, we’ll mess around making songs sound like an organ or trumpet or guitar or whatever. She’s pretty good actually, and starting to read music, which is a handy skill to acquire.

Blew off my yoga class this evening. I felt a bit embarrassed going back in so soon after possibly infesting that nice pregnant woman with nits…

January 13, 2007

Woke up early as usual — no avoiding that it seems… I did have a nice bath before heading down for breakfast. Went for the continental and the full Irish. Don’t think we’ll be bothering with lunch…;-)Spent an hour relaxing in bed with the papers before checking out. The drive home went smoothly (45 minutes). We stopped by Brent Cross to buy a new mattress for the crib and check out change tables. I think the IKEA one suits us best, and it’s cheaper too.

Nova was happy to see us, but she’d obviously had a great time. We stayed for a cup of tea, then took her home. Cutting across the pavement near the the bottom of the path, I had a fall — a skiing style fall. I twisted my knee and ankle, and landed with a thump on my bottom. I don’t think I hurt anything, but it’s upsetting…

I took to my bed for a rest while Adam took Nova to Oliver’s fifth birthday party. She wore her beautiful new Indian dress from Beulah and Freddy.

January 12, 2007

The funeral is today. Once we dropped Nova at school, we packed up for our night away, then headed to the Jewish cemetery in Bushey. It was a cold, windy gray day, fitting weather for a funeral.I hadn’t realised that women required to cover their heads, and was glad I’d worn my beret. We were segregated by sex — the men stood on the left, the women on the right. The rabbi clearly knew Risa, and spoke very warmly of her. She was an amazing woman — as well as raising four children, she lectured at Cambridge on Hebrew literature. He started with a beautiful passage about women, that Adam says his family sometimes read on Friday nights:

A woman of worth, who can find her, for she is more precious than rubies.
Her husband trusts her in his heart and has no loss by it.
Every day of her life, she does him good, not harm.
Her hand is held out open to the poor, reaching out to those in need.
She is clothed in strength and dignity, serene before the time to come.
She speaks with wisdom and on her tongue is the guidance of love.
She looks after her home with care, and does not idle away her time.
Her children stand up and honour her,and her husband sings her praises.
‘Many a woman has done splendid deeds,but you surpass them all.”
Charm deceives and beauty fades,so praise the woman who honours God.
Give her honour for the work of her hands,and her own good deeds with praise her in public.
(from Proverbs 31)

We all walked out to the grave. Once the body was lowered, people took turn adding a spadeful of dirt, before we headed back to the main building to conclude the service. The Doms started sitting shiva at the end of the service (they’ll do three nights at home as well) and everyone lined up to say a few words to them before leaving.

We know the four kids quite well, especially Eytan, his father less well. From my own experience, I know that it doesn’t matter what you say — it’s making the effort that matters. Even so, it was a bit awkward that they all started off by congratulating me on the pregnancy. It was difficult to follow “I’m so happy for you” with “I’m so sad for you”…

Stopped at IKEA for a quick lunch, and scoped out a change table, cd shelving, desk, and dining room chairs (ours are disgusting — what were we thinking buying upholstered chairs with a small child?). Picked up a few odds and ends, such as candle holders, a shower curtain, storage boxes, polar bread, that sort of thing…

Headed on to Oxford from there. We had one scary moment when it looked like there was a sign said the M40 was closed, but it only applied to a section past where we were exiting. It was a smooth journey, and we pulled into the hotel parking lot just as dusk was falling.

Reception was in a converted double decker London bus, then we walked through the fairylit garden, statuary glowing in the dusk, to the main building. We’d been upgraded to the Monte Cristo Art Deco room, which is their largest. The decor was quite outlandish, with zebra skin rug, red walls, and chandelier. Actually it was a bit like being in a ship — the room was long and narrow with beams on the walls and the wind was howling outside.

There was a gorgeous bathroom, with a big circular tub I made straight for. Phoned Nova before dinner — she wasn’t the least bit bothered about speaking to us which is always reassuring…

Ate dinner in their Thai restaurant, which was lovely, then retreated to our room to watch TV in bed on the beautiful Bang and Oluffsen flat screen telly. It occurs to me that this is only the third time we’ve both been away from Nova in five and a half years…

January 11, 2007

Eytan’s mum died today — he phoned us with the news this morning. By Jewish tradition, the funeral takes place as soon as possible. It might even be tomorrow if his brother Gil can get a flight back from New York in time.Interviewed one of the two internal candidates for my maternity cover this afternoon. She did a good job, so at least we know we have one appointable candidate, which is reassuring. I was so busy today I didn’t have time for lunch. Even worse, I was in early and left late, and got stuck in the worst of the rush hour crush on the Tube. I couldn’t get near the seat section, and leaned awkwardly against the padded rest at the end of the carriage with my eyes closed.

At the next stop I heard someone calling “Seat free! There’s a seat free!” This guy who’d been standing beside me, saw a seat come free half way down the car, bagged it for me, and helped clear a path so I could get to it.

Once I started showing I’ve nearly always been offered a seat this pregnancy. Maybe I look so poorly that people are worried I’ll collapse (or vomit) on them if they don’t offer me a place.

I was so tired I could hardly move my legs walking up the hill. I didn’t even go upstairs to see Nova, just went straight to bed and slept two hours. I’ll have to pace myself better over my last two weeks of work — today was too much for me…

January 10, 2007

I found a nit in my hair this morning… A vigorous brushing over a white towel produced a dozen more, plus a number of eggs and little gritty black things that must be nit related. Quite unpleasant, but not as disgusting as I thought it might be. They look like slow moving, little brown slivers — they don’t even look like insects. I gave Nova a comb through and found several on her as well…Popped out to buy nit shampoo and a nit comb on my lunch hour. The pharmacist took a very different view from the doctor about the safety of nit shampoo during pregnancy. I didn’t think he was going to sell it to me until I assured him that my husband would be applying the treatment. Tried out the nit comb in the loos, and dislodged several more nits onto the floor.

We gave Nova the treatment this evening. I combed out a bunch of live nits first, then Adam applied the shampoo, waited half an hour, and washed it out. I combed her hair through again, and found a dozen more — they all looked pretty dead. I hope this is the end of it, and that combing will be sufficient treatment for me. I plan to comb my hair through a couple of times a day, until I have an entire nit free week. At least I’m not being reexposed to them the way Nova undoubtedly is at school.

January 9, 2007

I chaired my last team meeting this afternoon. I’m surprised to realise that I’m going to miss this job, which is very different from my last maternity leave. I didn’t give work a second thought the whole time I was off…Adam returned from Germany this evening. I’m hoping he won’t have to go again before the baby is born…

January 8, 2007

I think Nova has nits, and I’m pretty sure I do as well. (Not to mention that poor, unsuspecting woman I was rubbing backs with at yoga last night…) They’ve been going round the school, and when we had lunch with Evelyn’s family a couple of weeks ago, her mum said that Evelyn had them, so Nova may have picked them up that day. And I had her in bed with me for all those nights she was sick…At my antenatal appointment I asked the doctor whether it was safe for me to use nit shampoo. In his view you don’t need to be too concerned about anything applied topically. It is a bit like having Michael J Fox for your obstetrician — he looks about twenty years old, and is unrelentingly positive. We had a discussion about whether I should have an elective caesarean. I definitely don’t want a repeat of Nova’s birth — induction drugs, twenty-four hours of unproductive labour followed by an emergency c-section. We’ll talk about it more at my next appointment, and maybe do a scan to estimate the size of the baby.

January 7, 2007

Got a good night’s sleep for once. I think it might be because Adam took himself off at 5am (having coughed himself awake) to snooze on the couch.Quite a tasky, practical day — we recycled the Christmas tree, moved the filing cabinet from the bedroom to the garage, made apple sauce from the remainder of our apple harvest, and worked on Nova’s thank you cards.

It’s been a lovely break (and a sterling example of “if you want a real holiday just stay at home”), but it’ll be good to get back into the discipline the work/school routine imposes.

Went to a pregnancy yoga class this evening at the Active Birth Centre. I was probably the oldest one there, though all but two of the twelve of us were first time mums. I felt pretty cynical, listening to the tosh the instructor was coming out with the labour tips — as if grounding yourself on the earth, finding your inner silence, or rotating your hips on the activity ball will make a damn bit of difference. Most of them will be yelping for pethedine within an hour…

I’d forgotten how touchy feely it was as well. Lots of rubbing each other’s shoulders and sitting back to back for supported stretching. It was good to get some exercise though…

Nova had been agitating to go to church all weekend, and Adam had taken her off to the evening service at 6:30. They were just returning when I got back from yoga at 8:30. It had been some sort of special extended tribute service for a retiring organist, so she really got a full dose. Interested to see whether she’s keen to go again next weekend…

January 6, 2007

Took down the Christmas tree this morning — it was one of our best trees ever. I think you owe it to a tree to make it beautiful — it seems disrespectful otherwise. Some people claim to like the tackiness and garishness of some Christmas decorations, but I don’t get that at all.Adam’s still pretty sick, but at least Nova is on the mend. The antibiotics really seem to be kicking in.

This afternoon we watched Limelight, a Charlie Chaplin film, sentimental but beautiful and very sad. It occurs to me I don’t think I’ve actually seen any of his films in full except for The Great Dictator, which I also love.

Once Nova was down we watched Rocky as well. It’s an excellent film, I’d forgetten how good it is — the story was devalued by the increasingly ridiculous sequels, and the cartoon character that Stallone turned himself into.

January 5, 2007

Had a chat with Martin next door, who’s over visiting his parents (Anne and John) for Christmas. He’s anxious about the decline in Anne’s health, and all the extra work it’s creating for John. He and his wife have hatched an idea that their eldest daughter Katie move in with them, to keep an eye on things and help them out. I can just anticipate what Anne will have to say about that the next time I go round… She loves her granddaughters, but their visits always create extra work what with the cooking and chauffeuring them about, and half the time they bring friends to stay as well.Martin has installed a web cam on John’s computer, and Adam went round to learn how it works, so he can fix it if it stops working for some reason.

Went off to do the Waitrose shop this afternoon, which really knocked it out of me — I needed a two hour nap when I got back. Although according to my pregnancy book I’m supposed to be taking a daily nap at this stage…

Nova came out with something funny today, when she described what daddies do: drive the car, drink wine, get drunk, shout and make the house smell PU!

January 4, 2007

Nova’s first outing since her pneumonia today. Popped over to Pasc’s for a coffee and to give the girls a chance to play together.Adam was off at the GPs. He’s been feeling angry, irritable and flying off the handle for months, and has decided to take steps to address it. Some of the frustrations are coming from work but I think there are relationship aspects to it as well.

I’ve been thinking about it myself, and it seems to me that the contract between us has changed, and that we’ve never discussed it properly. I know my expectations of him are very different than they used to be, and that I treat him differently. I used to mother him a lot more, and was probably quite controlling. My maternal side is now completely focused on Nova, and instead of wanting to control things, I’m looking for him to take more responsibility and be decisive — cook dinner without being asked, pack her lunch without consulting on the sandwich filling, just get on with it. It’s not that he doesn’t do things, but if I have to suggest or nag to make it happen or even discuss it, part of me feels that I might as well have done it myself…

Baby preparations are continuing. We moved the keyboard from our room to Nova’s room this afternoon. There’s so much to do it’s easy to get overwhelmed by it all. I’m trying to keep the focus on emptying out our bedroom so that half of it can be used as a nursery. We plan to keep the baby in with us for at least six months or even until she’s sleeping through the night, then rearrange Nova’s room so that they can share. We’re thinking maybe a top bunk for Nova with a cot underneath, but we’re still mulling it over.

January 3, 2007

Nova slept through for the first time in weeks, which is terrific. Unfortunately I’m getting so big that sleeping is becoming uncomfortable.must I need to lie on my side, with the bump resting on a pillow, and each time I want to turn over, I wake up, lurch 180 degrees, and readjust my bump pillow. Sometimes, I go straight back to sleep, sometimes not, and the services of the World Service are necessary to lull me back to unconsciousness.Nova is very grouchy today — not sure whether that’s a good sign (back to normal) or if she’s feeling poorly again…

We had quiet day around the house, watching TV, pottering, reading, playing. Nova and I did some drawing together, which was good fun. We’d agree on a theme, then each have a go at drawing the same thing: an old fashioned house, a family who lived on a desert island, our family etc.

January 2, 2007

Nova wandered in about 1:30am, thirsty and feeling hot. Adam went downstairs to sleep in the flat and I settled her in with me again.Another disturbed night, though not so bad as before. I managed to sleep between 2:30-5 and 5:30-7 before she was awake again and wanting breakfast.

We had less hassle over the antibiotics today — she took them in between mouthfuls of breakfast, and I rewarded her with a big spoonful of jam to get rid of the taste.

I’m completely shattered… grabbed an hour’s nap before lunch, and basically mooched around the rest of the day. I was hoping to accomplish a few things, but had absolutely no energy.

In the evening, Adam headed off to the Arsenal match with his friend Sarah (one of the school mums). Nova and I hung out together on the couch, reading our novels and eating cashew nuts. She’s feeling so much better today — it’s such a relief…

Once I got her settled, I made myself a grilled cheese sandwich and watched a bit of telly before bed.

January 1, 2007

Happy New Year…
Nova had another unsettled night. She was awake when I came downstairs, and it was 2am before I got her to sleep again. She needed regular nursing throughout the night, so Adam moved to the single mattress on the floor, so I could have her in with me.By 7am she was complaining of back pain and difficulty breathing and had vomited again. I called the out-of-hours GP, and made an appointment for her at 8:30. The doctor was thorough but disengaged, and had no interest in listening to what I had to say. He listened to Nova’s chest and pronounced it clear, then announced that she had an upper respiratory infection that would take a few days to get over. “I’m not satisfied with that,” I said to Adam as we left. I just knew that there was something more seriously wrong…

Back home, Nova perked up enough to eat a bit of yogurt, play a card game with me, and even ventured upstairs to watch cartoons with Martha and Ellie. But her temperature started rising again, and about 1pm, as everyone was leaving she took a sharp turn for the worse. Her skin was waxy, her lips blue, and she was complaining of not being able to breathe. “We’re going to A&E now!” I said to Adam.

We bundled her into the car and were at the hospital again in five minutes. Her teeth were chattering violently at this point, and her whole body shaking. I found it worrying that while her head and body were burning with fever, her arms and legs were cold and goosepimpled. They triaged her within minutes, and waved us through to the children’s waiting room. She was very drowsy by this point, and though her cheeks were flushed with fever her eyes were dull. I gave her sips of water, and sponged her head and back with a cool cloth.

It took about half an hour before we were seen. The nurse weighed her, then gave her a double dose of both Nurofen and Calpol and a rehydration drink I had to feed her with an eyedropper. They listened to her chest, checked her pulse (153bpm), temperature (102) and blood oxygen saturation (94%), which was a bit low, but not enough to require oxygen.

I took her to do a urine sample then we settled on a gurney and waited for the doctor. The woman who came to examine her (Lebanese I would guess) was warm, competent and very thorough. She listened to all the details of her illness, then went through all the tests again, and checked her carefully for meningitis rash, before ordering a chest x-ray.

The results came back very quickly — Nova has pneumonia in her right lung. There was some discussion of admitting her, but eventually we were given two different antibiotics to administer at home. Her urine sample showed her to be dehydrated, and also led to a blood sugar test (ok) before we were discharged. The doctor also discovered that she has a heart murmer. It may be caused by the fever, but I need to take her to the GP to get it checked out when she’s recovered.

Adam was feeling pretty sick this afternoon himself — either a hangover from his excesses last night or perhaps he’s coming down with something. He actually threw up at the hospital, and went straight to sleep when we got home. I gave Nova her first doses of antibiotics (violent shrieking reaction to the taste of them) then spoonfed her a cup of pasta chickpea soup for dinner. We read her second Junie B Jones book together, and after a dose of Calpol I got her settled in her own bed. I was feeling pretty shattered, and in need of comfort food by this point. I fixed myself a fish finger sandwich with jelly and ice cream for dessert. Adam had woken up by this point, and we watched a Chaplin film on telly before bed.