April 2004

April 30, 2004

Got up about 7am, and breakfasted and finished loading the car. We set off at 9am, right on schedule, with Carolyn in the back next to Nova. I put Nova in a pull-up nappy — I don’t want to go back to her wearing regular diapers, but a seven hour car trip is a pretty big challenge for a two-year-old who’s only been toilet-trained for one week.

It rained for most of the journey. The forecast for the weekend doesn’t look that promising, although Saturday and Sunday are supposed to be a little less wet. (If you waited for a decent weather forecast in England, you’d never do anything…)

We stopped for coffee in Amesbury after a couple of hours. The service was like something out of Monty Python. It reminded me of Rob Draeseke’s remark when he visited us a few years ago: “Before I came to England I thought Monty Python was a satire. Now I realise it’s a documentary.”

I brought the potty into the cafe with us, and before we left I took Nova to the loo with me where we did a peepee together. There was a great looking bakery attached to the teashop, so we bought pies to eat in the car for lunch. Nova did another peepee when we stopped for petrol.

We got to the house in Tywardreath about 4pm. The owner wasn’t ready for us, and it was as if the conversation I had with her the other day never took place. She thought we were arriving at 6pm, although we’d agreed on 4pm, and forgotten I’d told her Carolyn would be with us. The house was kind of dingy and unloved, but you get used to that before long. Once Nova was settled, I cooked us a Thai vegetable curry for dinner.

April 29, 2004

Rainy, chilly day. Nova and I hung out together, and made biscuits and muffins for our forthcoming trip to Cornwall. That was all the getting ready I did. It’s not worth even trying to get organised when she’s around. It’s stressful to even try.

Carolyn arranged for a plumber to look at the boiler. He agreed with the guy who looked at it the other week — basically, it’s dangerous and needs replacing as soon as possible. He’s coming next week to install a new combi boiler next Tuesday and Wednesday.

Beulah came round to stay with Nova while I went down to the Whittington for a scan. Things are progressing — the lining is half as thick as it was last time, but I still have quite a bit of bleeding to do still. I have to go back again in another two weeks.

Once Nova went down (another accident-free day for the little sweetie!) I was finally able to get things organised for the trip: food packing, personal belongings — I kept it light with a fourth person (Carolyn) in the car.

Adam got home after 8pm (he was away overnight in Bath), and cooked dinner while I finished the packing. Sat down to eat about 10pm, with a bowl of stirfry and noodles — it’s always a good menu option before a holiday to clear out the veggie tray.

April 28, 2004

I went to gym in the afternoon, and walked on the treadmill for twenty minutes followed by a sauna. Picked up Nova on the way home. She’d had her first accident-free day at nursery, which is great news — they were very pleased with her and so was I.

I’d parked some distance from the nursery so she had a chance to walk with her umbrella, even though it had stopped raining. When I got in the driver’s seat, Nova said, “No! Get in your seat, mummy! That’s daddy’s seat!” I had to explain that we wouldn’t be going anywhere unless I took the liberty of sitting in daddy’s seat…

I’ve started editing the text of my cookbook. The recipes were written over a span of several decades, and range from imperial to metric measures, so I’ll have to decide how to present things.

April 27, 2004

I went into the office again today, but HR told me that since I’d been signed off, they preferred me to either take the time as sick leave or work at home, as they would be liable if my condition worsened while I was on the premises. Hardly likely to happen, but still…

I went for a drink for a colleague’s birthday at lunch, then headed home. Less wet clothing this time, although she did two poops in pants once she got home. Both times she wasn’t wearing her panties for some reason, which maximised the mess. Really nasty — it’s enough to make me miss nappies…

I did two loads of laundry by the time I went out for the evening with Jemima. The rain was bucketing down, like a monsoon storm. It was so heavy, we opted to drive to the tube station.

We had sushi at Itsu in Soho. Hugh Grant was sitting right across the conveyor belt from me. Our eyes met over the tuna rolls… As always, he was smaller than I expected, fine boned and slight. He was with three friends, and we could overhear his conversation. He actually talks in that stuttery way he always does in his films.

We saw “Capturing the Friedmans”, which was really thought-provoking. It’s a documentary about a retired teacher who the police discovered was a paedophille when they found some child pornography he was sent through the mail. While raiding his house they came across the class lists for some children’s computer classes he taught from his home.

They interviewed all the kids and eventually gathered a number of allegations of sexual abuse against the man and his 18-year-old son. Both maintained their innocence, as the story unwinds it starts to seem like a case of mass hysteria. The director was very fairhanded and presented all sides neutrally. It was interesting to discovered afterward that Jemima had decided they were likely guilty, while I was equally convinced of their innocence.

April 26, 2004

Nova went into nursery this morning wearing panties and carrying her potty. We brought a couple of changes of uniform for her, just in case…

I went in to work today. I had a meeting with Michaela to go over the HDA intranet. I’d decided to do a half day, so after our meeting we set off to have lunch somewhere. Decided on dim sum at Hakkasan, and had a really nice time. Eating there is such a treat…

I got to the nursery to discover that Nova had willingly sat on her potty, then peed in her pants all day. There was a bagful of wet clothes to take home, and she was wearing a pair of borrowed shorts.

She refused to pee before we left, then had a very uncomfortable time of it on the fifteen minute walk home. Even though we had the potty with us, she wouldn’t consider using it out of doors. “Do peepee at home!” she said, and did, as soon as we got in. All in all, I think it’s going pretty well…

April 25, 2004

Another lovely day. Adam took Nova to church and I did a few things around the house and got to work in the garden. Carolyn (our landlady) is coming to stay for a couple of weeks tomorrow, and we always like to have the house in order when she arrives. Anne Stillman pottered over for a chat while we were outside.

After a bit she looked at her watch and said brightly, “Oh! It’s 12:15! How about a gin?” Coming out of their French doors with a tray of drinks, she caught the tray, dropped it on deck, and toppled over. It all happened in slow motion, so she didn’t really hurt herself, but she was a bit rattled. She is 88 after all… We all needed a stiff drink after that little incident.

Nova’s poop finally arrived. She’d announced she was going to do a peepee, and was pretty upset to discover a great big poop in her potty when she stood up. “I just like water in the potty!” she kept crying. I tried to convince her how clever she was to do “poop poop potty” and gave her a chocolate egg instead of the usual smartie for her efforts.

April 24, 2004

It was an incredibly hot, sunny day — what Wade calls “a blue blazer”. Nova and I spent most of the day in the garden, playing with the sandbox and paddling pool. Adam gave the barbeque and good cleaning, and we cooked lamb burgers with a Greek salad for dinner. Day three and still no poop — I think she’s holding it in…

April 23, 2004

Terrible potty training day today. We were 0 and 2 for potty versus floor in the morning, but Nova turned things round in the afternoon. Adam took her to the library and the playground, and even though she obviously needed to go while they were out, she refused all offers to wee behind bushes and managed to hold it in until he got her back home. Still no poop though…

April 22, 2004

Jemima and Ruby round came round for a visit this morning. We’d started potty training today, but Nova held it all morning although she obviously wanted to go. Maybe she was intimidated by Ruby, who conducted several helpful demonstrations for Nova’s benefit.

The girls just weren’t in sync today and everything ended up causing arguments. I sometimes wonder if it’s easier with just one mom around. Lunch was fraught, with fights over the high chair, the hummus, and a sparkly pencil that Nova got free with a magazine. I heaved a sigh of relief when they left… and I think Nova must have too. She did a huge peepee minutes after they had gone, and carried on doing really well for the rest of the day. I gave her a smartie for each successful effort. Three peepees in the potty v two accidents. No poops yet…

April 21, 2004

I baked a cake today. I wanted to test out mom’s one-egg cake recipe for the cookbook. I used our icing canister (or whatever those icing dispensers are called) for the first time (we got it for a housewarming present nine years ago). It came out pretty well, although the cake itself was a bit tough.

I iced it white, lined it round the edge with green icing (the only food colouring we own), and then made little green bows across the surface, dotted with bits of glacé cherry. I thought it looked quite pretty. Nova pronounced it a “lettuce and tomato” cake when I served it at dinner.

Adam and I went to the gym this afternoon. We didn’t do any exercise, just sat in the whirlpool for a bit. We both had doctor’s appointments afterward. Adam needed to see the doctor about his knee, which has been giving out on him, and I needed to get a note to give to work for the time I’ve been off. I told him I needed it for two weeks, and it wasn’t until I got home that I noticed he’d signed me off for the following two weeks.

I made wheat-free pasta with turkey sauce for dinner (we’re still working our way through the leftover Christmas turkey I froze.)

April 20, 2004

I decided not to go to work this week. I’m not really up to it physically or emotionally.

For some reason I decided I was up a trip to Brent Cross. I had a list of things that Nova needed: a new umbrella, socks, pyamas with feet (preferably green), a feather-lined crown to replace the one I stepped on the other day.

It went pretty well, although I had to have a couple of bench rests like a little old lady. I got everything except the footed pyjamas. They don’t really make them for kids her size, except round Christmas time. I guess they aren’t that convenient once a kid is potty trained. Can you imagine? Actually I can… In the early 80s I had a lavender jumpsuit I’d wear for going out, and it was a huge hassle when you had to go to the loo. I got her a couple of pairs of two-piece pyjamas instead…

April 19, 2004

Mom and dad’s anniversary today. Would have been their 42nd…

I didn’t go into work today, still having a few cramping episodes a day, and I hate for one to hit me on the tube, or even in the office. Worked on my cookbook instead. Pretty much finished the text now. I’m just waiting for one recipe from dad — his beer recipe. I gave him a call and heard all about his time in Prince George.

Decided to watch what I’m eating for the next few weeks. My weight is already stuck at the high end of my range, and it’s so easy when I’m feeling down and stuck at home to scoff my way through all sorts of stuff I’d be better off without. I drew up a menu of healthy meals for the next week, and picked up a few things in the village so that we have the ingredients to make them. Had the Vietnamese chicken salad for dinner tonight.

April 18, 2004

I was woken at 6:30am by Martha, who was standing by my bed with a little plastic teacup, saying “I brought you a cup of tea.” Apparently, she’s always like this on the weekends… For some reason, Nova never gets out of bed until we go into her room. Often we’ll find her reading her bedtime book or playing with her stuffed toys, but I’ve never seen her out of bed.While Adam did the church thing, I drove to Golder’s Green to get bagels for brunch. It was bucketing down with rain, which cancelled all our potential park plans. Hung around with the weekend papers for a few hours before Pete and Liana headed off home. All in all the girls had a pretty nice time together. Compared to previous visits at any rate…

April 17, 2004

I’m still feeling pretty crampy, especially in the morning. Lying down is best, standing up isn’t too bad, but sitting is very uncomfortable at the moment. Adam took Nova off on some errands and I spend a couple of hours in bed until the worst had passed. Once I was on my feet, I did some laundry, cleaned up the flat, and planted the tomatoes in the greenhouse before lunch…In the afternoon, we went to the garden centre for some bedding plants, and potting soil and replacement herbs that didn’t make it through the winter. Adam took Nova off to Scarlett’s Easter party afterwards, and I managed to get everything potted or in the ground before Pete, Liana and Martha showed up about 5pm.

We’d arranged for Sam to babysit, and once the girls were in bed, we set off for dinner at Moro. The food was great, all except Liana’s main course. She went for the vegetarian option, some kind of stuffed dumpling and it just didn’t stand up to Adam’s roast seabass in a spicy sauce, Pete’s woodroasted lamb with artichoke and potato salad, or my pork roasted in vinegar with lentils. The coffee nougat ice cream I had for dessert was awesome.

Took a taxi home, and settled with the babysitter about 11:30pm. After hearing how things went down after we left, Pete paid Sam a “Martha supplement” for the all the trips Sam had to make downstairs to get Martha settled. Personally, I wouldn’t have bothered — she’s made plenty of easy money off us in the past. Nova’s never made a squeak, let alone get out of bed, all the times she’s babysat for us. To bed about 1:30am…

April 16, 2004

Adam took Nova and Ruby to the park for a bit of exercise before heading off to work. I’m feeling well enough to look after Nova today, but I’m not up for anything physical yet, so it was good for her to have a run around while she had the chance.It was a lovely sunny morning, and Nova and I spent a couple of hours in the garden before coming in for our lunch. Dina and Ben came round in the afternoon. She hadn’t been here five minutes before she shared the happy news that she is three months pregnant and due in October… The kids didn’t really play together — they’ve never had a great rapport for some reason, which is too bad, because Ben is a lovely little boy.

Adam was out at the football with Jane Steedman this evening, so I had dinner with Nova: pesto pasta with pinenuts and parmesan. I took her with me to feed Pasc’s cat — they’ve gone to Manchester for the weekend. Nova’s told me her version of the incident with Fay a number of times since yesterday:

“Fay won’t play with me. She had a mean girl in her house. They won’t let me play with the toys. I want to play with the toys too. I was sad and I cried. The mean girl was happy.”

After feeding Mr Christmas, I let Nova play with all of Fay’s toys for as long as she wanted, and it had gone 8pm by the time we left…

April 15, 2004

Felt well enough to look after Nova on my own today. We had a nice morning making star biscuits. I’ve finally found a biscuit dough that works well with cookie cutters, and doesn’t spread too much, so you can still tell the rabbits from the teddy bears once they’ve been baked. Actually Nova is pretty singleminded about making stars — she allowed a couple of rabbits through, but basically it was stars, stars and more stars…Had to go to the Whittington for a scan in the afternoon, so I dropped Nova off at Jemima’s yet again. She’s been such a huge support through all of this. The scan confirmed that the fetus has gone, but unfortunately there is still a lot of lining left. Yvonne thinks it’ll take at least another week…

Picked up Nova, and on the way home we swung by Pascale’s to drop off her birthday card. Nova was so eager to see Fay, and when Pasc said Fay was upstairs playing with her friend Freya, Nova was up the stairs like a shot. I stayed behind for a cup of tea and a chat, and it was a good forty-five minutes before I went up to collect Nova.

As I approached Fay’s room, I could hear that the two older girls taunting Nova, saying that they hated her and wouldn’t play with her because she did bad things. Fay and Freya were playing in the doorway of Fay’s bedroom, blocking the door, and Nova was sitting forlornly in the corner of their office. I felt so bad for her, and so guilty for leaving her up there without checking that everything was alright. I told the girls they were being very mean, and took Nova downstairs. Pasc could tell something was wrong, but I was feeling too upset to talk about it with her. She called me later, and told me she’d had a talk with Fay who wasn’t quite sure what she was on about, and kept saying, “but I like Nova!” I know kids can be cruel to each other, but I wasn’t expecting her to encounter it at the age of two…

April 14, 2004

I’m still not able to look after Nova, so Jemima had her again, while I spent the day in bed. Jemima insists that it’s actually easier for her having Nova around as the two girls amuse each other. Whether that’s the case or not, it’s been a huge help to us.I spoke to work, and told them what had happened. I said I expected to be back in the office on Monday, but they encouraged me to take another week off. I’ll have to see how it goes.

I picked up Nova about 6pm. She’d had a great day, and done all sorts of interesting things. She and Ruby get along so much better now — it’s really sweet to see them together.

April 13, 2004

Terrible night last night, but I think the worst of it is over. I still wasn’t in any condition to look after Nova though, so Adam took her round to Jemima’s for the day.Nova was bubbling over with high spirits when she came back at 6pm, and wearing a fabulous outfit as well: a long, lavender crumpled silk skirt with a lace trim, and a pale pink, handpainted and sequined teeshirt that Ruby had got from her grandma as a birthday present. Apparently, Ruby had wanted to trade it for Nova’s grubby Woolworths fairy dress. (Seems a good trade to me…) In fact when Adam arrived to pick up Nova, Ruby was all dressed in Nova’s clothes, and insisting that she was Nova, and was going to come back home with him…

I got up for the hour and a half before Nova went down, but other than that I’ve been pretty much confined to bed. I hadn’t expected to give the orthopaedic qualities of our mattress such a full-on test so soon. Apparently memory foam is used a lot in hospices and places where people spend long stretches in bed. My back would definitely have been feeling it if I’d spent 24 hours in the old bed…

April 12, 2004

Had a quiet day around home. We had Oliver for a few hours, then Adam took him down to the hospital and had a visit with Antonia and the new baby, who is called Marnie. (Or maybe Marny, I haven’t seen it written yet…)Went out to see a film with Pascale — Monster with Charlize Theron. Quite a performance, you can see why she won an Oscar for it.

April 11, 2004

Happy birthday to Aaron (50) and Ruby (3)… and the newest addition to the Garfunkel family, a baby girl born this afternoon, bang on schedule. (Name to follow…)Doron called at 3:30am to ask Adam to come down and stay with Oliver so they could go to the Whittington. In the morning, he gave Oliver breakfast over there, then brought him back to ours.

We had a little Easter egg hunt in the garden. It took a bit of prodding to get them started, but they soon got into the swing of it. Nova enjoyed the running around and collecting, while Ollie was shovelling them in as fast as he could find them.

The kids had a nice morning pottering round together — there wasn’t much actual shared play, but no particular conflicts either. We fed them some lunch, then Adam took Oliver back home, where Freddy and Beulah were waiting to settle him for his afternoon nap.

In the afternoon, we headed over to Ruby’s for her birthday party. They had set up a huge bouncy castle in the courtyard, and Nova’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. She had a great afternoon, bouncing, scarfing crisps and cake and chocolate, and playing with Ruby’s toys. At some point, two of the little girls decided to get naked in the bouncy castle. Nova was keen to join them, but I was apprehensive as she’s still in nappies. She went ahead and stripped off anyway of course… When I realised I went in and fished her out. I said, “Nova, if you want to stay in the bouncy castle, you’ll have to go peepee potty first.” She promptly sat down on Ruby’s potty and did a nice little peepee. “There!” she said. I let her hang out for another fifteen minutes or so before it was time to go home.

Pete, Pasc and the kids came over for dinner. We had sausages, salad, peas and bread. After dinner, Pasc and I hid a bag of chocolate eggs in the garden and we had yet another Easter egg hunt. I thought Nova would be blown off the map by Sid and Fay, but her experience earlier in the day stood her in good stead. When it was time to reckon up the haul and even things out, she’d actually found more eggs than Fay.

On a depressing note, I’m pretty certain the miscarriage is going to start this evening. It’ll be good to have it over with anyway…

April 10, 2004

I’m feeling very low today for some reason… I found it hard to get motivated to do anything, and it was about 3:30pm before we got out of the house.Drove to Waitrose to get some groceries in before everything shuts.mNova just dozing off as we pulled into the parking lot, and Adam stayed in the car with her while I did the shop. Somehow, it was no big surprise to discover Adam snoring away in the driver’s seat and Nova quietly reading a magazine in her carseat when I returned…

Went for drinks at the Stillmans this evening — a couple of stiff gins and some of Ann’s inimitable snacks. There were satay sticks with a indescribable orange sauce on offer this evening. She’d frazzled to the point of carbonisation (she actually referred to the pork ones as “the black ones”), and it took some work to differentiate where the meat stopped and the stick started. Probably just well, as she told us she’d bought them before Christmas and never got round to using them… When John ate one and described it as “very peculiar”, I just about choked on my drink… There was no need for supper after a session like that. We watched some “Law and Order” and called it a night…

April 9, 2004

Definitely felt a bit worse for wear this morning. After breakfast, we set off to do some shopping. We needed to buy a couple of birthday presents for Nova’s little friends. We’d planned to go the the toy store in Crouch End, but it was closed for Good Friday, so we carried on to Wood Green shopping centre. I’ve never been before, and have to say that it’s a real dump. The best quality store in there was likely the Woolworths. There was a decent toy store however, where we managed to find a little jewelry making kit for Ruby, and a pair of spy binoculars for Sid. I was hoping to find a little wicker basket for Nova’s Easter egg hunt, but in spite of all the cheap crap on offer, there was nobody selling baskets. Eventually bought her a lovely little clear plastic handbag instead, for about £10 more than I’d planned to pay (ie, £10.99).Swung by the garden centre on the way home. It’s still a bit early for the lobelia I put in the balcony pots, but I bought some tomato and lettuce seedlings to start off in the greenhouse.

After dinner we went round to give Sid his birthday present. Nova went racing upstairs to find Fay, but when I went up to collect her an hour later, Fay was engrossed with the computer and Nova was playing on her own again.

Went to bed at 9pm to watch Godfather II. Contrary to received wisdom, Adam and I both feel that Godfather I is the better film… There is nothing in the second film that achieve the tension of the shooting scene in the restaurant, or when Michael protects his father in the hospital.

April 8, 2004

Went for a play visit with Fay this morning. Unfortunately, Fay’s recently discovered the computer and barely acknowledged Nova’s presence (or even blinked) the whole time we were over. It’s a shame — they were starting to play so nicely together.It was a cold, drizzly day. Dave came over after lunch, and we’d planned to go for a walk in the park, but it never stopped raining long enough. He brought a big Easter egg for Nova, which I tucked away for her egg hunt on Sunday. Instead, we sat around waiting for Claudia and a couple of her friends to arrive from Italy. They’ve arranged to stay in the flat for the weekend.

The finally arrived, laden with Italian delicacies (and another gigantic Easter egg for Nova) about 4:30pm. “It’s a family!” Nova pronounced as they came through the door. In the universal way of travelling Italians, they’d brought their own coffeepot and coffee, and the first thing they did upon arriving was brew up a pot of espresso. I joined them for a cup, then headed upstairs to get Nova’s dinner organised.

Sam came round to babysit (more chocolate for Nova — this time a bag of fairtrade dark chocolate orange truffles). Once Nova was settled, we headed off to Sardo, a Sardinian restaurant in Warren Street. I’ve long wanted to try Sardinian food, and we chose the most authentic sounding dishes on the menu: carpaccio of tuna and pickled eel with pecorino to start. I would have to describe the eel as challenging. The combination of tastes was wonderful if a bit intense, but the texture took some getting used to… We followed with pasta parcels with potato and cheese in a tomato mint sauce (lovely), tagliatelle carbonara di mare, featuring bottarga (dried salted tuna roe). Finished with sweet polenta (which was delicious) and espressos. A very interesting meal, and a good place to take Greg and Wendy the next time they visit. The bottle of Sardinian wine we ordered was great as well, but it had “hangover” written all over it…

April 7, 2004

I had my appointment with the private consultant Mr Shehata today. Adam had doublebooked himself, and wasn’t going to able to make it, but as I approached the Lister Hospital there he was waiting on the corner. It turned out his meeting had been cancelled. I’m glad he was there, because it was all much more complex than it sounded in the article. Of the 300 people mentioned in the article, about 100 of them had problems with recurrent miscarriage (which he defined as three or more miscarriages in a row). Of those 100, about 60 tested positive for his NK blood cells test. Of those 60, 86% responded to the steroid treatment and went on to have successful pregnancies. So if I do get a positive test result, the chances are good that he can help us. They drew the blood, and will send the results to us in a couple of weeks. (I forgot to ask if the fact that I’m still pregnant would skew the results, but I expect he would have said something if that was the case…)If we decide to go ahead with the treatment (and apparently a number of people who test negative still decide it’s worth a shot), I need to start taking steroids for the second half of my cycle each month. If I fall pregnant, I continue with the steroids, and introduce self-injected blood thinning drugs as well. If I’m not pregnant, I take two weeks off the steroids and start again half way through my next cycle. There have been no observed effects on the fetuses of women who take steroids (apparently asthmatics, diabetics etc commonly take these drugs throughout their pregancies). Side effects I might notice include weight gain and insomnia. Like I need any help in those particular areas…

Beulah and Freddy had picked up Nova from nursery, and she was fed and bathed by the time I got home. Adam had made it back half an hour earlier on his scooter, and they’d already ordered pizza. I got Nova settled for the night, then we had dinner together.

April 6, 2004

I was completely exhausted this morning, and dragged myself in to the office late. Could have been waking up at 3am that did it. I haven’t done that in a while… I find that drinking really doesn’t agree with me at the moment. I only had a glass and a half of wine, but it’s conceivable that I was feeling it the next day…It’s six months today since mom died. I’m finally starting to feel a little distance from the event, though I still think about her a lot, and have little conversations with her in my head.

April 5, 2004

Arrived at the office with my practically finished article, only to discover that it had been bumped to a later issue of the magazine, which means the deadline is extended. Sod’s law… Still, it’ll give me time to firm up a couple of the interviews, and redo the survey I based my findings on, which is over six months old now…I left it a bit late leaving to pick up Nova, and had the journey from hell. Chancery Lane station was closed, which meant I had to walk to Holborn. By the time I got there the station was so crowded they were only letting a few people in at a time. Finally made my way down to the platform, where I had to wait 15 minutes for a train. It’s always striking how little it takes to completely disrupt the tube. It operates so close to capacity that the slightest thing can tip it over.

It was past six by the time Nova and I got home. I raced through her dinner, and we headed over to Beulah and Freddy’s for Pesach supper, which I’ve described on previous occasions (2003, 2002). Aside from the traditional bits, we had chicken soup, meatloaf, homemade scotch eggs and salads, and berries, homemade maple walnut ice cream, chocolate mousse, and homemade strawberry sorbet for dessert, followed by coffee cakes and chocolates.

It was about 11:30pm by the time we left. Nova woke up on the car ride home, mostly because she was coughing so much. I gave her a dose of Tixylix before settling her again.

April 4, 2004

I’d hoped to get a bit of a lie-in this morning, after staying up half the night working on my article, but Nova put paid to that idea… Ate the leftover muffins for breakfast (they were much better today, and really moist — I’ll definitely try them again). I typed up the draft of my article while Nova pottered about. Managed to dress her in something other than her fairy princess costume for the first time in a week…Headed over to Jane and Jerry’s to drop off a diary of Scott’s I’d unearthed when cleaning out the basement. (He’s passing through London in a couple of days on his way back to Vancouver…) We stayed for an impromptu lunch (sandwiches, apples and ice cream) then swung by the cardboard recycling place on the way home. While Nova continued her nap in the car, we gave the flat a blitz in preparation for Claudia’s arrival from Milan this weekend with two friends.

This evening when I was getting Nova ready for bed, I took a break to go to the loo. “I do a peepee too!” Nova announced and hauled her potty into the toilet with me. She plonked herself down and after a few minutes she declared, “I did it!” We’ve had any number of false pronouncements in this vein, but when she stood up she had done a peepee. She was very pleased with herself, and insisted on tipping it into the toilet herself. Progress…

April 3, 2004

Made a batch of Margo’s muffins for breakfast this morning. Wendy swears by the recipe, but think I must have added too much applesauce. They just didn’t rise very much, although muffin recipes and I just don’t seem get along…They tasted great though.I got my hair cut this morning. I asked the hairdresser about getting some highlights put in to break up the gray a bit, but apparently my gray hair “is so shiny and beautiful” that it would be silly to cover it up. Apparently, it’s only dull grey hair that should be covered up. I’m not sure I agree with her, but I’ll take my compliments where I find them…;-)

In the afternoon we met our friends Andy and Sue and their two little ones in Highgate Woods playground. It’s the first time we’ve seen their daughter Flora, and she’s almost two. In fact, she was born on Nova’s birthday.

Made a Thai-style kedgeree for dinner, which used poached salmon instead of smoked haddock. I kept all the bits separate for Nova. She ate the salmon and egg, but was put off by the curry flavoured rice. We’re making some progress on introducing her to new foods though. At least she’ll try a little spoonful of something new before telling me “Don’t like it!”

I’ve had a commission to write an article for Health Development Today magazine hanging over my head for the last six months, and the deadline is looming. It was planning to submit it the week I flew out to Canada to see mom, and I’ve never got around to finishing it… It’s on how primary care trusts are using their websites to improve public health and reduce health inequalities. Sat down and talked it through with Adam. He had some really good ideas for improving my outline, which helped all the notes and interviews I’d taken fall into place. Stayed up until 3am putting together a first draft…

April 2, 2004

Went to the gym this morning. I was feeling too blah for a workout, but had a short swim and a session in the whirlpool. I’ve got to get back to doing some proper exercise soon…Nova’s been angling to visit Ruby for a few days so she and Ruby “can play fairy princesses together!” so we went round there in the afternoon. Ruby obligingly strapped on a set of wings and they ran around for a bit, but she soon tired of the game. They found lots of other ways to amuse themselves though: bouncing on couch cushions, playing with balloons, watching CBeebies, and a long toy-filled bath.

We left them to it, and just popped our heads round the door if one of them stopped chattering for a little bit… Jemima showed me the photo album she’s put together of Ruby’s life. The first photo was of her c-section, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The photo focussed on Jemima’s stomach, which has been painted bright yellow. It has been sliced entirely across and is stretched open a few inches. Ruby is just being pulled out and is still clearly attached to Jemima’s insides. I’ve never actually seen a detailed photo of a caesarean before and I was stunned by it. Somehow I’ve managed not to picture how I must have looked when they were performing the operation until now…

I’ve noticed that friends who had scheduled c-sections have a very different reaction to the experience than those of us who had an emergency operation. If find myself in that situation again (where they aren’t sure that the baby is going to come out naturally) I’m going to insist on a c-section right the start. (Of course, we’ve got a lot of bridges to cross before I have to deal with that particular problem…)

Watched the Godfather tonight. It is such a good film. Coppola was 36 when he won the Oscar for it, which means he was probably about 33 when he was making it…

April 1, 2004

I actually remembered to say “rabbits” for once. Just as well, I could use the luck… Saying rabbits always makes me think of mom — she was very big on it. In fact, the last couple of times we stayed with them in Kelowna, there was a large papier mache rabbit in the bedroom. On the last night of the month Mom would position it so it was the first thing she saw when she woke up, to ensure she remembered.Adam came home at lunch and stayed with Nova while I headed down to the Whittington for a scan. There’s been no change… I’ve never been through this before, knowing a miscarriage was inevitable, but not when it would start. I’m surprised that it is taking so long… They are fine with me waiting for things to occur naturally, something they call “conservative management”, and have given me some warning signs to look out for. I’ve got another appointment in a couple of weeks.

Made a surgical strike on Brent Cross to buy some new bedding, as none of our fitted seats are king-size. Bought a mattress cover, two fitted sheets, and new wellies for Nova (her old ones too small and big rips in them). Nova looked adorable marching about the mall in her tiara, purple furry coat with pink fairy dress sticking out underneath and bright red boots. So obviously a little girl who’d dressed herself… The best bit was that we managed the round trip in an hour. Given that it’s about three miles away, it’s probably not all that impressive to Canadians, but in London, that expedition could take two hours on a bad day…

On the way home I said to Adam, “I’ve got an idea for something we could do tonight… Let’s go straight to bed after dinner with a cup of tea and watch that two-part BBC drama we taped last week.” He said, “That such a girl thing to suggest. I was hoping you’d say… <<censored>>”

By 8:30pm we were tucked up in our lovely new bed watching “Passer By” starring James Nesbitt. It was a good premise but by the end I was very annoyed with the whole thing. A man is travelling home from central London on the last train. There is a single woman and two other young guys in his car. The two men start hitting on the woman. At first it seems harmless, but it gets more menacing and she is obviously uncomfortable with the attention. James says something mild to the two guys, and they tell him to piss off, which he does, leaving her alone in the car with the two guys although she has made a tentative approach to him for help.

James feels uneasy about it, and the next morning when he sees a notice about a serious sexual assault that took place he is plagued by guilt. He tries hiding his head in the sand, eventually comes forward when his wife forces him to, makes a lousy witness (he can’t admit he behaved like a coward and thus downplays the threat the woman was under) and the two men are let off. His personal crisis eventually threatens his marriage and career, and leads to an act of vigilantism, where he beats up the main rapist in a pub. All of which could have been averted if he’d either helped the woman in the first place, or come forward the moment he knew what had happened. Adam had a lot more sympathy with him, and the pressure men are under not to admit weakness, but I just thought he was a fuckwit.